Mailbox

June 03, 2020 by Pharoah Bolding in Black Lives Matter, Race Talks, DEI

So I go to my mailbox today to grab the mail. There’s a police car sitting in the business plaza parking lot across from my house. I need to walk to the mailbox a literal block away from my house to mail a check but I’m so scared to do so now, with the police presence in my neighborhood. I watch him as he sits in his car, doing nothing. He’s likely not cognizant of how intimidating he is right now. There’s a strong likelihood he wouldn’t care even if you informed him of it.

So I sit. And I wait. And my anxiety rises.

He’s been there a little over 30 minutes and I don’t understand why.

I open one of the packages I grabbed from my mailbox. It’s an action figure I’ve been wanting to add to my collection for some time now. These things usually bring me great joy. Today that joy is brief.

I want to cry. My eyes are welling up. I want to yell, scream, thrash something. And yet I sit here, scared for my life when all I want to do is drop a check in the mailbox.

I allow myself a minute to cry. It all comes flooding out: the generational trauma, the current trauma, all of it. I like to allow myself a good hearty cry every few months. Lately, it’s been every few weeks. I gather myself; I feel like I’ve got to be strong, even for myself. I view the crying as strength, the vulnerability as fuel. Black bodies need to grieve and mourn and express just as much as white bodies do, contrary to somewhat popular belief.

I inhale. I exhale. I look out my window. The police car is gone. It’s “safe” now?

“Safe.”

I guess I should go mail this check.

Wish me luck.

Care About Black Lives? Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is.

June 02, 2020 by Pharoah Bolding in Black Lives Matter, Equity, Race Talks

What the title says. Click through to find a list of bail funds, memorial funds, and organizations fighting for Black lives that you can support today. Thanks and love to everyone who contributed to the contents of this list!

White Supremacy and Oregon: A Workplace Case Study

March 26, 2020 by Pharoah Bolding in DEI, Race Talks

Imagine being a person of culture and building up the courage to step forward and file a complaint at work because some of your fellow employees have been actively and openly racist toward you. Now imagine your boss, a white cis male, deciding that the best response to addressing your complaint is calling up his buddy, a white cis male who is also a local police chief. Not to ask his buddy how he should handle this situation, mind you, but to call in a favor in putting together a fraudulent case against you to portray you as stealing from the company to terminate your employment. Sounds crazy, doesn't it?

Welcome to Crazy Town.

West Linn, Oregon, to be exact.

Being Black, Feminine-Identifying, and Affiliated With The Police in a Racist Utopia

October 21, 2019 by Pharoah Bolding in DEI, Black Lives Matter, Politics, Race Talks, Mental Health Advocacy

A few days ago an article surfaced on Oregonlive.com, the online home of The Oregonian newspaper, concerning Portland, Oregon Mayor Ted Wheeler’s performance review for Portland Police Bureau Chief Danielle Outlaw. There’s a lot to unpack after looking at this performance review, unpacking that when you look at Chief Outlaw’s actions as Police Chief bring up a lot of interesting things to examine about the way things often unfold for BIPOC folx when what resembles white cis hetero power and privilege is bestowed upon them by the white establishment.

Atatiana, Zion, Black Trauma, and Initiation

October 17, 2019 by Pharoah Bolding in DEI, Race Talks, Black Lives Matter

Zion may not have been physically murdered the night a police officer gunned down his aunt. But you can bet a part of Zion's soul, and probably most of his innocence, died that night. This is one of the hardest and saddening parts of being Black and Brown in the United States - our children don't get to be the innocent and open youths they should be for as long as they should be. Their reality, the dangers of being Black and Brown and viewed as a threat at practically any age, takes this all away from them far too early in their lives for anyone to deem it as acceptable.