A Message to Black Professionals and Working Folx During a Moment of Trauma

TW: Murder, trauma, police brutality, and anti-Blackness.

Black professionals and working folx: it's OK not to be OK. I don't care what your employer says or how they feel about you needing time to grieve and heal after another high-profile murder of a Black man by the white supremacist system of policing civilians and its accompanying video footage. I hope beyond hope that you did not engage with that footage. If you did, I hope for peace for your mind, body, and soul. Regardless, you have the right to take some time today, this week, to breathe and center the health of your body and brain. You have the right to care for your mental, emotional, and physical health and navigate a new but familiar trauma this week.

F--- that spreadsheet. You matter more than anything going on at work this week.

You're experiencing the weight of a seemingly never-ending and constantly reinforced collective trauma that your ancestors endured and passed on to you through genetics. It wasn’t their fault they passed this genetic trauma on to you. They were enduring constant visceral harm that created the byproducts of familiar harm we’re enduring now. Your brain and body are exhausted. They've been exhausted because new traumas emerge every time they dive into healing traumas, and old traumas get reignited due to the explicit message that Black lives don't matter in the United States. Add to this the feeling of powerlessness that comes from watching white supremacy "empower" members of your community to wantonly harm and kill your people in the name of white supremacist ideology. That's why you feel heavy. This sh-- takes an almost immeasurable toll on our brains and bodies, and we've resigned ourselves to "pushing through it" when all we're doing is wading through quicksand with ankle weights while still processing the shackles of our ancestors. Don't "push through."

Pause.

Breathe.

It’s OK to call time out.

That meeting can be postponed.

That conference call ain't that important.

That "urgent task?" It wasn't that urgent before now, and it won't be that urgent later this week when you get to it.

Please do what you can to take care of yourselves, my people.

I wish you wellness this week in whatever form it may take.

On Tyre Nichols and Black Accountability Under the Spectre of Generational and Societal Trauma

Image Description: A picture of Tyre Nichols. He is smiling at the camera while wearing a lavender dress shirt, dark blue dress vest, lavender and dark blue tie, and dark blue pleated slacks. His hands are in his pockets.

T.W.: Murder, anti-Blackness, police brutality.

The murder of Tyre Nichols at the hands of five Black police officers in Memphis, Tennessee, is the intersection of white supremacy, policing, and Black self-hatred. The men that murdered Tyre were operating in a state of believing their police affiliation made them invulnerable to accountability, their Blackness be damned. They were feeding off the power they thought their positionality gave them and wielded that power to harm their own. And because they willingly disregarded the fact that badge or no badge, they're still Black men in the United States, this will likely be one of the rare times when police officers are held responsible for police brutality. And real talk?

They should be held responsible.

And Black communities should want them to be held accountable for murdering a Black man. Why?

Because accountability can't be a pick-and-choose situation.

Over the years, I've found that discussions of accountability for Black men who harm other Black people in Black communities often fall into the space of explanations pushing for why Black folx should forgive or disregard the harm they've caused. This is often frustrating for me to watch and engage with because too many Black people want to push forgiveness when Black people pose a danger to Black people or be outright quiet about it.

Regardless of the generational trauma we carry in our Black bodies, we cannot give a pass to Black people harming others while operating in spheres of white supremacist ideology. And we must stop providing Black men a pass when they harm other Black people. We've got to push through the discomfort and have hard conversations about accountability while respecting that trauma and self-hatred might be at play but not as excuses for murdering and harming others.

P.S., especially for Black folx: Please do not watch the videos of Tyre being harmed when they're shared with the public tomorrow. Don't do harm to yourself with this "Black trauma porn." You don't need to watch footage of a Black man being harmed in his final hours. No one does.

This Week's Opening Thought: January 23, 2023

TW: Mentions of domestic terrorism, anti-Asian hate, and white supremacy.

This week’s opening thought: Monterey Park. Alhambra, California. The Lai Lai Ballroom. A Lunar New Year celebration. Another traumatic event for AAPI communities. Another domestic terrorist attack.

I find myself once again deeply saddened by the weight of the trauma of domestic terrorism and anti-Asian hate as we come off of another weekend with a mass shooting. It hurts that, once again, melanated communities have trauma connected to a celebration of their communities and culture. It’s even heavier when the harm is at the hands of someone from one of your communities, who could’ve been celebrating with you instead of plotting harm against you.

The immense weight of trauma that AAPI communities carry from three-plus years of increased violence toward them at the hands of white supremacy and anti-Asian hate has to feel daunting.

Processing the generational and societal trauma that led to this weekend’s tragic events and the shooter taking the actions that he did must also feel daunting.

At this point, I don’t even know what to say anymore. There aren’t words that can make this pain go away. There’s only a long road to healing.

If there are folx from AAPI communities in your workplace, please give them the grace and support they need right now. That work deadline can f----g wait. Their communities have endured so much and are hurting right now. Give them time off without them having to ask for it or use PTO. Be a human, a vulnerable, empathetic human.

If there are folx from AAPI communities in your life – friends, neighbors, partners – be there for them as they grieve and try to heal. Be present, be vulnerable, and lend them an ear and a shoulder without adding your thoughts or narratives into the mix. Show them love without conditions. Don’t make it about yourself and your need to feel like a “good person.”

Sending love and healing to AAPI communities this week. I wish you grace and rest, healing and forgiveness, and the space to grieve without obligations and “work commitments” bearing down upon you and disregarding your needs. I’m here if you need me.

Why I Didn't Post Anything on MLK Day

A white "professional" who follows me on social media dropped me a line yesterday to tell me they were surprised I hadn't posted anything on Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. They're right: I didn't post anything on Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Real talk?

I'm not obligated to post about Black sh—on a national holiday primarily created to appease Black communities by white politicians who wanted to feel like "good" white people.

I'm also not obligated to explain why I didn't post thoughts on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, especially to white people. But you know what? I will explain why because I'm feeling generous enough to put the anxiety and weight that the white person who reached out to me tried to put on my shoulders right back on theirs and teach 'em something while doing it.

You’re welcome in advance.

So why didn't I post anything on MLK Day?

Why bother?

Look, white folx. We [Black folx] have the same discussion about how y'all misappropriate quotes and belittle the words and works of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. with y'all every year. We have similar conversations with y'all about Dr. King and other Black luminaries that your grandparents hated and that you've deified and misinterpreted the work of all year long. We have to check y'all all the time on treating Black people like your Great Value gurus and "your spirit animals" on the other 364 days of the year (someone's Lord, don't get me started on the spirit animal thing). To be honest?

I have nothing else to teach you about the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. that I didn't teach y'all last year, the year before, and every year for at least the last decade.

You've likely forgotten what I said about this day last year. I could post the same message on my social media channels on MLK Day every year, and most of y'all will respond to it like it's new to you. Every Black person in the United States could post the same post we wrote together in a Google Doc annually, and only a few of y'all would catch it. And that's the problem.

Most of y'all aren't paying attention, learning, and doin' the work until we stop doin' it for you.

Us telling you not to sully the name of Dr. King on MLK Day is your security blanket. Us telling you to do better, be better, and dismantle the sh—you created is like comfort food. And once we don't do it? Y'all be around here actin' cold and hungry when you've got on a winter coat and didn't finish the first plate you grabbed in the buffet line.

Maybe you should finish digesting what me and mine have been sharing with y'all for years before you expect us to give you more of ourselves.

Holla at me when you begin to remotely respect the legacy and work of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Black U.S. America in general without needing an annual prompt.

Drop me a line when you respect the Free99 labor and energy Black folx give y'all and start taking in and processing the hard truths we've been giving y'all for over a century.

And stop dropping me a line because I didn't post something Black on a Black holiday. I don't work for you.

Not a good look, white people. But y’all already knew that.

P.S.: I spent MLK Day resting my tired Black bones and avoiding white sh--. It was time well spent. If you're white and had MLK Day off, please understand that it's not a day of rest for you and yours; feel me?