On Olive Garden and White Supremacist Workplace Lunch

You wanna know a low-key bit of white supremacist workplace culture that most people don't think twice about?

When your supervisor or manager orders Olive Garden for a work lunch, when there are 85 freakin’ local restaurants making fantastic ethnocultural dishes in your area that would be better and supportive of your local economy. Hell, I guarantee you that there's a poppin' local Italian restaurant that is absolutely delicious and authentic as hell, but nope!

Olive Garden.

Olive Garden is basically the restaurant version of most people of pallor: safe, unremarkable basic b--- energy. Always talking about how we're a family while knowing we all know it's just a catchphrase (what, you forgot we work here and see how y'all act every day?). Not offensive to most people on the surface, but as you peel back the lasagna layers, you see there's more filler than substance. No evolution in who they are or what they have to offer others in decades.

No wonder it's the ultimate fallback lunch for most workplaces.

Guess that marinara sauce is more of a mirror than you probably thought.

On Chet, Sheryl, and Not Addressing Elephants Trampling Us So Y'all Can Maintain White Comfort

TW: brief mentions of sexual harassment, assault, misgendering

You want to know one of my many white supremacist workplace culture pet peeves?

When everyone on the team or in a small company gets "reprimanded" or "coached" for something that one person has said or done. And we all know who did or said the thing but we all have to pay for it more than the people doing and saying the harmful and hateful things.

I loathe being in a meeting and a supervisor wants to stress the importance of respecting people's pronouns when we all know Sheryl is the one person on the team who gleefully misgenders people and disrespects pronouns.

I abhor everyone on the team having to take the online sexual harassment training for the umpteenth time this year because, for some reason, serial sexual harasser Chet is never fully held accountable for being scum that most of us have filed complaints about until it's way too late and he physically assaults someone.

The white supremacist workplace culture's right to comfort and fear of open conflict nonsense ensures that harmful people maintain status and employment instead of being shown the door.

Making all of us redo trainings or sit through group-wide "coaching sessions" that should be meant for Chet and Sheryl alone to make it clear to them that their words or actions have consequences ensures that Sheryl and Chet will continue doing harm and keeping the toxicity of your workplace nice and elevated.

But you know, let's prioritize that comfort, civility, and collegiality until the inevitable lawsuits come, right?

On Layoffs and Not Being OK

I have spent the better part of the last four years working with folx who are being laid off or getting laid off myself.

I know how it feels to support someone who is distraught, confused, uncertain of what their future holds. I know what it feels like to talk to an entire team or division about their positions being cut because of government funding or bad business decisions. I know how deflating and infuriating it feels to work with and participate in meetings with the senior executives and directors making the layoff decisions as they discuss human beings who are going to lose their livelihoods or even communities who are going to lose vital services as dollars and decimals. I know how it feels to speak up in those meetings, to advocate for some semblance of humanity in these proceedings, and to know right then and there that you will now be a shoo-in for the next round of layoffs after they use your humanity and empathy to lay off others. I know how it feels for someone to give you barely any notice and have the audacity to give you two weeks of pay with an expression on their face that is more about their discomfort with being the messenger than it is about how this news impacts you on multiple levels. It's draining. It's frustrating.

And with the current state of the country, I don't see it getting even remotely better anytime soon.

Hundreds of thousands of people are being laid off every month. Job creation has trickled to numbers that are nowhere close to meeting demand. Heavy times are here, and they're likely going to keep getting heavier. And that means that people you know are struggling - mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially struggling - and likely feel conditioned to tell you they're OK.

They're not OK.

And it's OK for them not to be OK right now.

But it's NOT OK for you to be like, "Well, they said they're OK" and never check in again because you're uncomfortable with reality.

To expect anyone who is carrying the weight of everything on their shoulders right now plus seeking employment to "be OK" is to display a lack of connection with humanity, empathy, and reality.

I say all of this to implore you to please check in on your friends and family who have been laid off and workin' their asses off to find a job. Check in from a place of love and compassion, not with a list of questions for them or links to a bunch of positions you found on Indeed. Give them space. Hear them. See them. Feel with them. Let them know that it's OK for them to not be OK. Let them know you will help them any way you can but not hound them about it every time you connect with them. Tap into how you've felt during your roughest workplace moments, your job losses, job losses that impacted you in your family or friends circle, to be present with friends and family who have been impacted by layoffs but DO NOT make it about yourself.

Show up the right way.

The world is heavy enough without those we think care about us adding to it.

On Workplaces, Impending Doom, and Wearing a Smile

Workplaces are really expecting us to show up right now every day with a smile on our face and not a care in the world other than a project deadline or deliverable.

I guess we're supposed to just act like nothing's happening?

I guess we're supposed to leave all of this descent into autocracy and dictatorship and the absolute dread, anxiety, and fear it's creating for so many of us in the car or at home?

That's what white supremacist workplace culture wants, so if we want to maintain employment we better put on our smiley face masks.

Geezus.

Acting like something isn't happening and expecting us all to cater to that doesn't stop it from happening and permeating every aspect of our lives, including work.

Expecting Brown folx, Black folx, Black women, femmes, trans folx, and folx with disabilities to show up and "be OK" while the world around us gets increasingly more heavy is a clear marker that these workplaces do not care about us.

But y'all already knew that.

Y'all just like us better when we smile more and preserve the feelings of those who want to exist outside of reality.

On The Benefits of Working Remote vs. Onsite While Black

Image description: a picture of R&B musician Carl Thomas. He leans back in his car, his face exasperated. The image is captioned, “Me when I see that one person of pallor who always wants to ‘chat’ with a melanated person about their most recent racist and white supremacist behavior happily entering my office without permission to force a nonconsensual conversation, dumping a bunch of hateful crap in my lap and forcing me to chose between ‘educating’ them or putting my continued employment at risk by checkin’ them.”

One of the most significant benefits I’ve received from transitioning to remote roles is not having to spend my time in an office where people of pallor can force their way into my personal office space any time they see fit and initiate nonconsensual conversations around how racist, oppressive, and harmful they are.

I have had countless unwanted conversations with “well-meaning” people of pallor in workplaces over the years, around how racist and messed up they are. Every in-person job I’ve had for over a decade has had people of pallor forcing me to be their constant sounding board and “teacher.” It’s draining. It’s oppression and abuse masquerading as curiosity and a willingness to learn when all they want is validation for their actions.

Now, some of y’all are probably like, “Why didn’t you have boundaries?”, which is a question that shows how privileged your life has been not to have
to worry about how having boundaries in the workplace unlocks a whole closet of stereotypes and white supremacist workplace-isms that ultimately threaten your ongoing employment prospects.

Boundaries? Oh, you silly lil’ privileged beavers. Of course, I had boundaries in those workplaces.

The thing is, the clearer I was with my boundaries - signage on my office door that made it clear that I was busy, being available by appointment only, asking people to leave and re-enter my office, stating that I was not willing to consent to a racism “chat”, and even making it clear that people had to knock and be invited in before entering - the more “well-meaning” people of pallor would report me to my supervisor. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had to chat with leadership about how I’m not being a “team player,” that my boundaries were somehow in conflict with my job duties (they never were), or that I was the one being harmful to others because I didn’t want to be a racism and bigotry sounding board.

It has always been clear to me that working while Black comes with white supremacy, expecting you to shrink yourself and be used and mistreated as some form of servitude and gratitude to maintain a paycheck. And because I know this? I don’t think I can work in a physical office doing full-time work and feel healthy doing it ever again.

Working remotely has been a blessing for my mental and emotional health, and I don’t believe in letting blessings pass me by.

It’s also saved me from catchin’ a case, so win-win.

[Image description: a picture of R&B musician Carl Thomas. He leans back in his car, his face exasperated. The image is captioned, “Me when I see that one person of pallor who always wants to ‘chat’ with a melanated person about their most recent racist and white supremacist behavior happily entering my office without permission to force a nonconsensual conversation, dumping a bunch of hateful crap in my lap and forcing me to chose between ‘educating’ them or putting my continued employment at risk by checkin’ them.”]