On Being Called the "Whisperer"

Hey, people of pallor with power and privilege and those who seek to curry the favor of white supremacists and "societal norms!" Here's your Wednesday reminder that a person being melanated and sharing their experiences navigating white supremacy in your workplace does not mean that person wants to be your "racism whisperer." The same goes for queer-identifying folx not wanting to be your "LGBTQIAA+ whisperer" and people with disabilities not wanting to be your "disability whisperer."

We didn't sign up for that.

We want to do our jobs well enough to be proud of our work and keep our jobs while dodging your ever-increasing scrutiny of our work due to your unwillingness to unpack your sh-- and then go home. If we share an experience we've had with you in the workplace, it was likely shared to educate you to the point that you will hopefully quit doing us and people like us ongoing harm.

You will never pay us enough to be a "whisperer" about anything in your white supremacist workplace environments. No money can ever supplant that sick feeling we often get in our guts when we have to be around you, listen to you say hateful and ignorant things, and mull over when is the right time to educate you instead of telling you where to go and how to get there. No money will ever aid our nervous systems in not feeling like the moment we put ourselves out there to gently call you in or teach you that our livelihoods are in danger. No money will ever make us feel OK with being tokenized by you, pushed to share our stories repeatedly with you, or make the number of boundaries we must have while in your workplace to exist and not be harmed by you feel any less burdensome.

Leave us be and digest what we shared with you. Own your actions instead of commodifying human beings.

On Write-Ups, "Performance Improvement Plans," "Managers," and "Leaders"

Write-ups and "performance improvement plans" exist because most "managers" don't know how to have adult, human, centered conversations with their team members to address issues in real-time and view being vulnerable and connected to their team members and colleagues as weaknesses.

Most write-ups and "performance improvement plans" address things that should've been, and still could be, addressed in a one-on-one, actively engaged conversation and regularly scheduled 1:1s.

If most "managers" and "leaders" used write-ups and "performance improvement plans" as human-centered support tools after exhausting all means of straightforward communication instead of weapons to force compliance, we'd be having different conversations about work.

If most "managers" and "leaders" used write-ups and "performance improvement plans" as a means to remove toxic, oppressive, racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, ableist people from the workplace, we'd be having VERY different conversations about work.

Don't @ me. Tell me when I'm tellin' lies.

Image description: A picture of a cute brown dog giving its owner the side-eye. The picture is captioned, "Me watching members of the interview panel talk to an interviewee about how diversity, equity, and inclusion mean so much to them and the company when I'm on the HR team watching everyone who isn't at the intersections of being white, cis-presenting, able-bodied, and championing white supremacist ideologies leave the company for the same reasons."

BRUH. Don't even invite me to be on the interview panel. That kind of foolish decision-making will only make it harder for both of us to get through the interview.

My side-eye is always unhindered.

I'm amazed at how many interview panels I've been on in my career where interviewers try their hardest to talk about the company like it's the dawn of a new day, often while people who have recently been harmed by the company's culture and its emissaries are expected to smile and talk the place up. Like, I get not wanting to sandbag the company. I get it. But the number of lies interviewers often tell in interviews to avoid having to be remotely honest about things not being 100% copacetic are the reasons why so many folx from unserved and melanated communities job hop so often.

It's why companies have horrific retention rates.

It's why most companies are unsafe places for so many people to work.

And it's why many workplaces focus so hard on the spin rather than legitimately doing better.

It's easier to sell harm if you gloss over it with bells, whistles, and fallacies to check a recruitment box.

I feel fortunate not to be part of interview panels at this juncture of my career. I used to tell people exactly what they were getting into, y'all. No joke. And believe me when I say that I've paid for not being willing to contribute to someone's harm. Financially, emotionally, mentally. But I just couldn't shut up in those moments. I couldn't watch people make the mistakes I made in joining these dangerous environments for a paycheck.

I had a white cis female supervisor once who said to me that I needed to be willing to allow others to make their own decision on employment, even if they were walking into a harmful culture. Any faith I had in her flew out the window and exploded like a released dove into the engine of a passing airplane. I had shared my concerns with her about this for a year, watching the revolving door of melanin and queer identities come and go. Her advice was not to get in the trenches and address the matter but to shoulder shrug and play along.

Suffice it to say I stopped sharing much with her at that point.

I'm glad I'm not placed in that co-dependency space anymore, but it doesn't make knowing people who look like you are entering potentially harmful situations feel any better.

Pro tip: If you feel the interview panel is telling you what they think you want to hear, please take the hint if you can. You deserve not to be walked into a trauma trap.

[Image description: A picture of a cute brown dog giving its owner the side-eye. The picture is captioned, "Me watching members of the interview panel talk to an interviewee about how diversity, equity, and inclusion mean so much to them and the company when I'm on the HR team watching everyone who isn't at the intersections of being white, cis-presenting, able-bodied, and championing white supremacist ideologies leave the company for the same reasons."]

On "Fit," Belonging, Copping a Squat, and Sitting a Spell

For those who have never felt how it feels to understand that there isn't a workplace where you "fit" or belong because of your identities and that your only recourse is to do what you must to survive, count yourselves lucky.

But while you're counting your lucky stars, sit a spell and unpack how privileged you are to feel like you belong everywhere with no feelings of discomfort or attacks on your personhood.

Or cop a squat and mull over how unwilling you might be to acknowledge that you've accepted assimilation and suppression of who you are in some fashion as a form of survival.

Acknowledging these things isn't intended to make you feel guilty.

Acknowledging these things is intended to help you tap into your humanity.

Workplaces aren't one size fits all.

Identities, safety, and belonging aren't either.

On Conflation and the Universal Workplace Experience Myth

There aren't enough people willing to comprehend and admit that just because they feel safe and supported at work doesn't mean everyone feels safe and supported at work. This goes double for the place you currently work.

Just because you're having a good time at work doesn't mean everyone you work with is having a blast.

There is no such thing as a common or universal workplace experience. And if you think there is?

You're conflating your experience as the only experience that matters.

You also might need to evaluate your relationships with white supremacy and “professionalism” and the perks your lack of melanin or willingness to engage in homogenization or assimilation to erase your skin tone provides.