This Week's Opening Thought: May 6, 2024

This week's opening thought: Every Black and Brown person I know, every person of culture I know, has a kazillion skills and proficiencies at their disposal. It comes with the territory of being melanated in a world of pallor. Many of us have random skills we've acquired because we had moments where we've worked jobs to survive or added something to our repertoire to keep the jobs we have. I've been working since the age of 13. I've worked in everything from retail to non-profits and colleges. I've worked with contractors and programmers. I've managed multiple storefronts and led numerous teams in leadership roles. I've trained people in every sector you can think of. I have a wide array of skills and experiences I can draw upon in almost any situation.

And that's why I only show about 10% of what I know 95% of the time, tailored to the job.

You see, white supremacy drives people of pallor to only be "impressed" by people like me if I somehow constantly provide proof that I'm qualified to be considered impressive. And after you do all of that showing and proving? White supremacy dictates that you're supposed to accept being used by people of pallor to cover the deficiencies and dysfunctions of workplaces and systems that you're not welcome in. The more skills you bring to the table, the more workplaces of pallor believe you should do.

Of course, this doesn't extend to the people of pallor working in these workplaces who are given leeway to be mediocre. They don't have to be exceptional. They just need to be likable, pliable, average, and meet the bare minimum work requirements to be considered a "team player."

Melanated folx never have that luxury.

I can count on both hands twice how many folx in leadership roles have tried to use me because they saw I had a skill that had nothing to do with my job but was lacking in their workplaces. And I can count again how many times I put up a boundary only to be punished and be told that I'm "not a team player."

The "workhorse/pack mule" ideology that is at the base of white supremacy still exists in the brains and bodies of people of pallor and the workplaces they've created. Workplaces of pallor make it known that melanin will always equal being expected to do way more than you signed up for and having every skill you have exploited as your co-workers of pallor get raises and promotions they didn't earn.

If you're a person of culture reading this, you're likely overqualified for your job. You've probably got years of real-world work experience and skills you've learned. Five problems are going on in your workplace that you have a solution for. But these workplaces don't deserve all of you. They haven't earned all of you. Don't let them walk you into a co-dependency trap driven by white supremacy. Keep your skills you don't get paid for to yourself.

Let one of those higher-paid mediocre co-workers you're surrounded by every day figure it out.

On Being Called the "Whisperer"

Hey, people of pallor with power and privilege and those who seek to curry the favor of white supremacists and "societal norms!" Here's your Wednesday reminder that a person being melanated and sharing their experiences navigating white supremacy in your workplace does not mean that person wants to be your "racism whisperer." The same goes for queer-identifying folx not wanting to be your "LGBTQIAA+ whisperer" and people with disabilities not wanting to be your "disability whisperer."

We didn't sign up for that.

We want to do our jobs well enough to be proud of our work and keep our jobs while dodging your ever-increasing scrutiny of our work due to your unwillingness to unpack your sh-- and then go home. If we share an experience we've had with you in the workplace, it was likely shared to educate you to the point that you will hopefully quit doing us and people like us ongoing harm.

You will never pay us enough to be a "whisperer" about anything in your white supremacist workplace environments. No money can ever supplant that sick feeling we often get in our guts when we have to be around you, listen to you say hateful and ignorant things, and mull over when is the right time to educate you instead of telling you where to go and how to get there. No money will ever aid our nervous systems in not feeling like the moment we put ourselves out there to gently call you in or teach you that our livelihoods are in danger. No money will ever make us feel OK with being tokenized by you, pushed to share our stories repeatedly with you, or make the number of boundaries we must have while in your workplace to exist and not be harmed by you feel any less burdensome.

Leave us be and digest what we shared with you. Own your actions instead of commodifying human beings.

On Write-Ups, "Performance Improvement Plans," "Managers," and "Leaders"

Write-ups and "performance improvement plans" exist because most "managers" don't know how to have adult, human, centered conversations with their team members to address issues in real-time and view being vulnerable and connected to their team members and colleagues as weaknesses.

Most write-ups and "performance improvement plans" address things that should've been, and still could be, addressed in a one-on-one, actively engaged conversation and regularly scheduled 1:1s.

If most "managers" and "leaders" used write-ups and "performance improvement plans" as human-centered support tools after exhausting all means of straightforward communication instead of weapons to force compliance, we'd be having different conversations about work.

If most "managers" and "leaders" used write-ups and "performance improvement plans" as a means to remove toxic, oppressive, racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, ableist people from the workplace, we'd be having VERY different conversations about work.

Don't @ me. Tell me when I'm tellin' lies.

Image description: A picture of a cute brown dog giving its owner the side-eye. The picture is captioned, "Me watching members of the interview panel talk to an interviewee about how diversity, equity, and inclusion mean so much to them and the company when I'm on the HR team watching everyone who isn't at the intersections of being white, cis-presenting, able-bodied, and championing white supremacist ideologies leave the company for the same reasons."

BRUH. Don't even invite me to be on the interview panel. That kind of foolish decision-making will only make it harder for both of us to get through the interview.

My side-eye is always unhindered.

I'm amazed at how many interview panels I've been on in my career where interviewers try their hardest to talk about the company like it's the dawn of a new day, often while people who have recently been harmed by the company's culture and its emissaries are expected to smile and talk the place up. Like, I get not wanting to sandbag the company. I get it. But the number of lies interviewers often tell in interviews to avoid having to be remotely honest about things not being 100% copacetic are the reasons why so many folx from unserved and melanated communities job hop so often.

It's why companies have horrific retention rates.

It's why most companies are unsafe places for so many people to work.

And it's why many workplaces focus so hard on the spin rather than legitimately doing better.

It's easier to sell harm if you gloss over it with bells, whistles, and fallacies to check a recruitment box.

I feel fortunate not to be part of interview panels at this juncture of my career. I used to tell people exactly what they were getting into, y'all. No joke. And believe me when I say that I've paid for not being willing to contribute to someone's harm. Financially, emotionally, mentally. But I just couldn't shut up in those moments. I couldn't watch people make the mistakes I made in joining these dangerous environments for a paycheck.

I had a white cis female supervisor once who said to me that I needed to be willing to allow others to make their own decision on employment, even if they were walking into a harmful culture. Any faith I had in her flew out the window and exploded like a released dove into the engine of a passing airplane. I had shared my concerns with her about this for a year, watching the revolving door of melanin and queer identities come and go. Her advice was not to get in the trenches and address the matter but to shoulder shrug and play along.

Suffice it to say I stopped sharing much with her at that point.

I'm glad I'm not placed in that co-dependency space anymore, but it doesn't make knowing people who look like you are entering potentially harmful situations feel any better.

Pro tip: If you feel the interview panel is telling you what they think you want to hear, please take the hint if you can. You deserve not to be walked into a trauma trap.

[Image description: A picture of a cute brown dog giving its owner the side-eye. The picture is captioned, "Me watching members of the interview panel talk to an interviewee about how diversity, equity, and inclusion mean so much to them and the company when I'm on the HR team watching everyone who isn't at the intersections of being white, cis-presenting, able-bodied, and championing white supremacist ideologies leave the company for the same reasons."]

This Week's Opening Thought: November 28, 2023

This week's (late) opening thought: I've gotten so few compliments and affirmations for my work in workplaces over the past decade that it feels like a set-up when I do get them. Like, I'm not on a hunt for kudos, but it does affect a person when all you receive is negativity while watching people of pallor and folx in the sunken place are treated like "model employees" while doing immeasurable harm.

I've gotten yelled at, mistreated, disregarded, "coached," complained about, written up, and separated from employment so many times for just existing and trying my damndest every day to mitigate harm to others that when someone tells me they think I'm doing a good job? I'm waiting for the "but."

For years, my body and brain felt like they were in constant danger at work. I'm doing much better now, but real talk? I do a decent job of maintaining, but I have lapsed into that trauma state of mind way more than I'd like, depending on the day and circumstances. If it weren't for therapy, exercise, and mindfulness, I'd be a f---g mess. How do I know this?

Until a few years ago, I was two steps away from being a f---g mess. All the time.

Workplace trauma is real, y'all.

I know from experience.