On O'Shae, Renaissance, Homophobia, Anti-Blackness, and the Intersection Where They Touch

Trigger warning: homophobia, anti-Blackness, hate crimes.

O'Shae Sibley stopped for gas at a gas station with friends. He exited the car to dance to Beyoncé's Renaissance, playing in their car. O'Shae Sibley and his friends were accosted by a group of men who "told them to stop dancing" and started using homophobic slurs. During the attack, Sibley and Otis Pena, a best friend of Sibley's, responded to the slurs used by the other men: "Stop saying that. There is nothing wrong with being gay."

During the confrontation, one of the men stabbed Sibley. O'Shae was taken to the hospital and pronounced dead shortly after his arrival.

Otis, who tried to stop O'Shae's bleeding after the stabbing, posted a video to Facebook following his friend's death: "They murdered him because he's gay, because he stood up for his friends. His name was O'Shae, and you all killed him. You all murdered him right in front of me."

O'Shae just wanted to dance.

O'Shae was just living his joy.

But evidently, you're just not allowed to dance, be joyful, and express yourself while Black and gay.

And now O'Shae's life is over, and the just things that need to happen to avenge his unnecessary murder will likely not happen.

O'Shae just wanted to live.

Black queer people just want to live, yet we receive so much violence and homophobia and hate from inside and outside Black communities with such unrelenting torrential force that we drown in the waters generated by the spittle attached to the slurs and...

It shouldn't be this hard to just be, y'all.

It's just too damn hard.

[Image description: An image of O'Shae Sibley, a young Black man, dancing with a grouping of dancers from the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater. O'Shae is at the forefront of the image, wearing a yellow sleeveless shirt and black pants. He is dancing, laughing, looking into the distance. His body language exudes joy.]

Image description: An image of O'Shae Sibley, a young Black man, dancing with a grouping of dancers from the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater. O'Shae is at the forefront of the image, wearing a yellow sleeveless shirt and black pants. He is dancing, laughing, looking into the distance. His body language exudes joy.

On Looking Both Ways and Frog-Based Evasion Maneuvers

I look both ways when I cross the street. Even when crossing a one-way street, I look both ways. Why?

Because some of y'all think you're driving in the right direction until you run someone over. Then you expect the instant gratification of instantaneous forgiveness for doing the bare minimum to atone for your actions. And when you don't get instant gratification, your sincere apology devolves into blaming the person you ran over for being in your way and getting run over.

Some of y'all know you're not driving in the right direction, and don't skip a beat in your forward movement when you run someone over. And when you're asked to atone and do better in the future, you can't help but unleash anger you feel is justified toward those you've run over. Hell, sometimes y'all hit reverse and run those you've already hit over again.

And some of you realize you're not driving in the right direction but think you can go the wrong way just this once. You know that no one will notice or hold you accountable for your actions. You’ve got privilege on your side. Besides, it's not that big of a deal, right? So what if you go the wrong direction and graze a few people? They'll be fine. The people you've hit? They need to get over it. And if they don't want to "get over it" and expect you to be accountable for your actions? Well, they're blowing things out of proportion. It's not like you killed them or anything, right? They can walk it off!

And many of y'all are going in the right direction and still running folx over. And instead of staying with the person you've run over until help arrives, y'all put the pedal to the floor and get the hell out of dodge. I mean, you've got a reputation to maintain. You're a good person. You donated to causes last year and marched in your city after George Floyd was murdered. You're one of the good ones. You can't have people out here thinking you don't care if you harm others. So what if the person you just hit is trying to get back to their feet and looking your way, expecting you to take responsibility for your actions? If they only knew the kind of person you are, they would understand this was just a mistake. Never mind that you did the same thing a week ago. You're a good person, dammit!

So, of course, I look both ways when I cross the street, even when crossing a one-way street. What kind of fool do you think I am? Do I look like Boo-Boo the Fool to you? What do I look like stepping off the curb just because the light turned green and expecting some of y'all not to run me over after centuries of watching people like me, people who are just trying to cross the damn street, getting run over and receiving no justice?

Some of us spend our entire lives trying to get across the street with as many of our parts, emotions, and faculties intact as possible.

And some of y'all are out here playing Frogger.

Some of y'all need to change more than just a dollar for four quarters.

On Hate, Shock, Awe, KFC and Baskin-Robbins

I am legitimately mystified by how many people with privilege, power, and positionality are still shocked that they live in a country with so much hate, racism, homophobia, xenophobia, transphobia, and bigotry toward many communities as they watch mass shootings, hate crimes, and hateful legislation run rampant from coast to coast. I can understand being disappointed, scared, and even overwhelmed by the constant deluge of hate in our cities and communities via physical violence and legislation. That makes sense, especially for those of us whose lives, or their family, friends, and communities, are in danger. But shock? How is anyone still shocked after those harming many of us have been explicitly clear about why they aim to harm and kill others? At this point, there's a legitimate precedent that many communities are in constant danger due to bigotry and white supremacy. It's undeniable what's going on around us. So what are y’all still shocked about? 

That’s like going to KFC and being shocked that they fry chicken.

How are some people still so willing to try and rationalize or intellectualize harm to others? How are some people still so taken aback or surprised that a country built from colonialism, white supremacy, enslavement, and genocide is still perpetuating those original sins? The level of privilege, the lack of humanity, humility, and empathy, and the learned generational ability to shut out anything you don’t want to acknowledge while the world burns around you in some U.S. Americans is wild to watch.

I bet some of y’all are the kinds of people that are shocked that Baskin-Robbins has 31 flavors.

Shake my damn head.

This Week's Opening Thought: October 24, 2022

TW: Antisemitism, hate.

This week’s opening thought: there has and will never be a justification for hate. There will never be a justification for antisemitism. There will never be a justification for defending a hateful and anti-semitic person as they inflict harm on others. Not mental illness, not some past experiences with one or two members of a community, not a narcissistic need for attention.

Nothing.

Please understand that justifying hate and antisemitism is more than just hanging a banner off the side of a Los Angeles freeway overpass while striking a Nazi salute. By not standing for the lives of Jewish communities, by not speaking up and being clear about your denouncement of this hate, you are passively supporting antisemitic rhetoric and views. Your stance is that the lives of Jewish folx in your community, of Global Majority communities in your city, aren’t worth your time and energy to stand with and support in dire times or any time. “Not wanting to get involved” or claiming you don’t have a viewpoint is you involving yourself and stating your viewpoint. And your “lack” of a stance? It is more than a stance. And it speaks volumes about how little you value the safety and lives of people in your community and workplace. Not standing in legitimate solidarity with your Jewish friends, coworkers, and neighbors is just as harmful as blatantly agreeing with and championing antisemitism.

Standing up and speaking out for those in your community who are receiving hate is not a stance; it’s a lifestyle. It’s a selfless lifestyle that does not seek ego strokes, constant validation from Global Majority communities, or gold stars and cookies. That is what being actively anti-racist and opposing hate and oppression in all its forms is.

Yes, we all need to be in solidarity and support our Jewish friends, colleagues, and neighbors right now. You also need to stand against and fight against antisemitism every day in every space, not just when it’s in the news cycle. Are you still going to stand up next week when newspapers shove the antisemitism to page seven? Or are you not planning to stand at all today, next week, or any day?

Your soul and humanity are about as holey as that one guy’s shoes.

To my Jewish friends, colleagues, and neighbors: I stand in solidarity yesterday, today, and every day of my life with you as you navigate these troubling times. You are not alone, and your lives matter.

P.S.: Don’t let the irony of a Black man with money and a need to be in the news cycle being patted on the back for championing antisemitic views and rhetoric by white people who hate his race pass you by. That’s the world we live in, folx. We should be working toward a better society, but we can't do that without acknowledging the generational trauma of hate that the United States was built on. You don't move forward without learning from what happened behind you.

This Week's Opening Thought: September 12, 2022

This week's opening thought: Real talk? I have no energy to put into debates with white people and Global Majority folx who are unwilling to untether themselves from white supremacy's anchors about topics like Queen Elizabeth II's passing. Her family has all the right in the world to mourn her passing. But if we're all expected to collectively front about what the Royal Family has, does, and will continue to represent on a global scale and act like the now-deceased Queen wasn't someone who capitalized from and perpetuated colonization and hate, then we're trippin', y'all.

We're supposed to all be mourning the passing of a person with a title that doesn't matter anymore who didn't want melanated children in her family, obviously looked down on most people and communities of color across the world, and has hundreds of white supremacist colonizer photo ops on the books. Y'all serious?

Nah. I'm tight. Miss me with that.

No debate.

I will put some energy into debating with y'all Jay-Z's "God Did" verse, however. Frankly, it's not his best work, yet some of y'all are acting like it's the verse of the year! What's up with that?

Discuss.