On Saving Those Not Worthy of Your Save

It's the year of someone's Lord 2025 and a whole bunch of y'all are still out here trying to "get through to" hateful, willfully ignorant bigots, hoping to convert them.

Oh, Bro, Broseph, Bro-ham.

Oh, Sister, Sis, Ma'am.

Oh, my friend, my compadre, my peoples.

Y'all gotta stop with the tryin' to save these people.

To paraphrase light-skinned Jermaine, they don't wanna be saved.

People are defending Diddy and Tory Lanez out here, and trying to shame and ridicule those they've harmed. You can't save anybody that deeply enmeshed in that level of misogynoir.

There's a whole bunch of [redacted] people mad that Black folx are happy about the Nottaway Plantation roasting 'til the meat fell off the bone who have the audacity to call it a historical landmark and say tasteless nonsense like, "How would you feel if Auschwitz burned down like this?" You think you're gonna save someone who spews something so simultaneously anti-Black and anti-semetic that it'll make your head spin off of your neck?

There are millions of people who have spent the last 12 years voting for this current administration, knowing damn well what they were backing. Many of them are gleeful about the harm y'all's president and his Dollar General Batman villains are doing to communities across this country, including their own communities. You can't save somebody whose hatred for others is so powerful that they're willing to fall on their own sword multiple times to justify their hatred.

The past 12+ years in this country have made it clear - explicitly clear - that it's time to leave some people behind. If you haven't pivoted already, consider this your notice to turn around and walk away from hateful people and their unflinching toxicity. Focus your energies on the folx in your life and community that need support, because those are the folx who deserve your help and care.

Everybody ain't worth savin', regardless of their relation or degrees of separation from you and yours.

Hate doesn't deserve so much of your love.

Day 5

I've lived in my house since 2012. I have lived around the same neighbors, give or take a few, since 2012. There's a woman of pallor whose house I've walked by at least 100 times in the twelve years I've lived in my neighborhood, whether on the way to doing something or just taking a stroll. This woman of pallor has seen me at least fifty times in those twelve years and has never spoken a word to me. Today, while pulling my garbage and recycling cans from the curb and into my backyard, this woman of pallor talked to me for the first time.

And she questioned me as if she was planning to call ICE to knock on my door.

This woman asked me my name, my MIDDLE NAME, if I owned my home or had children.

This woman has never said two words to me in twelve years.

She asked me all these questions and then tried to frame it with, "Well, you can never be certain. It's dangerous out here, so it's good to know who's in your neighborhood. With all this 'woke' stuff? You just never know. It wasn't like that in my day." She also tried to invoke her religious convictions, giving me her information and stating that God would not let her ask all these questions without introducing herself.

I guess Elizabeth Ann wanted me to know the name of the person likely to call ICE on me so I know who to thank when they show up at my door.

It's day five of what 60% of cis males of pallor and 53% of cis women of pallor voted for.

Five f'n days.

Five. Of 1,460.

Thanks, people of pallor. I'm feeling great. I've watched people I know and care about sit in fear with millions of other citizens over the past five days; as the world unravels around them, their rights and privileges begin to disappear, and the current administration does everything it can to deport them or threaten their existence. And now I get the added icing on the cake of being extra vigilant about having three forms of identification on my person whenever I leave my home while being prepared to defend people being harmed by hateful people and ICE agents.

Are we great again yet? Let me know when we're great again so I can circle the day on my calendar.

On O'Shae, Renaissance, Homophobia, Anti-Blackness, and the Intersection Where They Touch

Trigger warning: homophobia, anti-Blackness, hate crimes.

O'Shae Sibley stopped for gas at a gas station with friends. He exited the car to dance to Beyoncé's Renaissance, playing in their car. O'Shae Sibley and his friends were accosted by a group of men who "told them to stop dancing" and started using homophobic slurs. During the attack, Sibley and Otis Pena, a best friend of Sibley's, responded to the slurs used by the other men: "Stop saying that. There is nothing wrong with being gay."

During the confrontation, one of the men stabbed Sibley. O'Shae was taken to the hospital and pronounced dead shortly after his arrival.

Otis, who tried to stop O'Shae's bleeding after the stabbing, posted a video to Facebook following his friend's death: "They murdered him because he's gay, because he stood up for his friends. His name was O'Shae, and you all killed him. You all murdered him right in front of me."

O'Shae just wanted to dance.

O'Shae was just living his joy.

But evidently, you're just not allowed to dance, be joyful, and express yourself while Black and gay.

And now O'Shae's life is over, and the just things that need to happen to avenge his unnecessary murder will likely not happen.

O'Shae just wanted to live.

Black queer people just want to live, yet we receive so much violence and homophobia and hate from inside and outside Black communities with such unrelenting torrential force that we drown in the waters generated by the spittle attached to the slurs and...

It shouldn't be this hard to just be, y'all.

It's just too damn hard.

[Image description: An image of O'Shae Sibley, a young Black man, dancing with a grouping of dancers from the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater. O'Shae is at the forefront of the image, wearing a yellow sleeveless shirt and black pants. He is dancing, laughing, looking into the distance. His body language exudes joy.]

Image description: An image of O'Shae Sibley, a young Black man, dancing with a grouping of dancers from the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater. O'Shae is at the forefront of the image, wearing a yellow sleeveless shirt and black pants. He is dancing, laughing, looking into the distance. His body language exudes joy.

On Looking Both Ways and Frog-Based Evasion Maneuvers

I look both ways when I cross the street. Even when crossing a one-way street, I look both ways. Why?

Because some of y'all think you're driving in the right direction until you run someone over. Then you expect the instant gratification of instantaneous forgiveness for doing the bare minimum to atone for your actions. And when you don't get instant gratification, your sincere apology devolves into blaming the person you ran over for being in your way and getting run over.

Some of y'all know you're not driving in the right direction, and don't skip a beat in your forward movement when you run someone over. And when you're asked to atone and do better in the future, you can't help but unleash anger you feel is justified toward those you've run over. Hell, sometimes y'all hit reverse and run those you've already hit over again.

And some of you realize you're not driving in the right direction but think you can go the wrong way just this once. You know that no one will notice or hold you accountable for your actions. You’ve got privilege on your side. Besides, it's not that big of a deal, right? So what if you go the wrong direction and graze a few people? They'll be fine. The people you've hit? They need to get over it. And if they don't want to "get over it" and expect you to be accountable for your actions? Well, they're blowing things out of proportion. It's not like you killed them or anything, right? They can walk it off!

And many of y'all are going in the right direction and still running folx over. And instead of staying with the person you've run over until help arrives, y'all put the pedal to the floor and get the hell out of dodge. I mean, you've got a reputation to maintain. You're a good person. You donated to causes last year and marched in your city after George Floyd was murdered. You're one of the good ones. You can't have people out here thinking you don't care if you harm others. So what if the person you just hit is trying to get back to their feet and looking your way, expecting you to take responsibility for your actions? If they only knew the kind of person you are, they would understand this was just a mistake. Never mind that you did the same thing a week ago. You're a good person, dammit!

So, of course, I look both ways when I cross the street, even when crossing a one-way street. What kind of fool do you think I am? Do I look like Boo-Boo the Fool to you? What do I look like stepping off the curb just because the light turned green and expecting some of y'all not to run me over after centuries of watching people like me, people who are just trying to cross the damn street, getting run over and receiving no justice?

Some of us spend our entire lives trying to get across the street with as many of our parts, emotions, and faculties intact as possible.

And some of y'all are out here playing Frogger.

Some of y'all need to change more than just a dollar for four quarters.

On Hate, Shock, Awe, KFC and Baskin-Robbins

I am legitimately mystified by how many people with privilege, power, and positionality are still shocked that they live in a country with so much hate, racism, homophobia, xenophobia, transphobia, and bigotry toward many communities as they watch mass shootings, hate crimes, and hateful legislation run rampant from coast to coast. I can understand being disappointed, scared, and even overwhelmed by the constant deluge of hate in our cities and communities via physical violence and legislation. That makes sense, especially for those of us whose lives, or their family, friends, and communities, are in danger. But shock? How is anyone still shocked after those harming many of us have been explicitly clear about why they aim to harm and kill others? At this point, there's a legitimate precedent that many communities are in constant danger due to bigotry and white supremacy. It's undeniable what's going on around us. So what are y’all still shocked about? 

That’s like going to KFC and being shocked that they fry chicken.

How are some people still so willing to try and rationalize or intellectualize harm to others? How are some people still so taken aback or surprised that a country built from colonialism, white supremacy, enslavement, and genocide is still perpetuating those original sins? The level of privilege, the lack of humanity, humility, and empathy, and the learned generational ability to shut out anything you don’t want to acknowledge while the world burns around you in some U.S. Americans is wild to watch.

I bet some of y’all are the kinds of people that are shocked that Baskin-Robbins has 31 flavors.

Shake my damn head.