This Week's Opening Thought: January 8, 2024

Image description: A picture of a Nintendo Wii video game console jutting from the top of a cardboard box. The box has the words "this together" scrawled on one panel in black marker. The image is preceded by the phrase, "My brain when people of pallor in leadership roles are like, "We are in this together!"

This week's opening thought for people of pallor in leadership roles: No, we are not "in this together." No matter what you say or how you say it, you will not sway me into believing that when it comes to equity, active anti-racism, anti-oppression, and dismantling white supremacy, we are "in this together." We cannot be "in this together" because we do not share the same stakes and potential consequences while "in this."

Your life isn't at stake. Your livelihood and career aren't at stake. Your safety on multiple levels is not at stake. And all that is something that so many "well-meaning" un-melanated professionals with power and positionality in organizations don't want to digest and understand.

You can't be my ally, accomplice, homey, advocate, friend, acquaintance, or nothing without being willing to legitimately understand and acknowledge that we are "in this together" while on two separate train tracks of your ancestor's creation going in the same direction. Most of y'all prefer the tracks to be running adjacent to one another because y'all ain't ready to build a track connector to come over to our track and learn, unlearn, and unpack your indoctrination into white supremacist ideology. You want to be able to occasionally look over from your train car to watch the trauma unfold, then pull your shade down and continue enjoying the ride. You only want to know of our pain enough to say that you know on the most surface levels.

Hit me up when you're ready and willing to be "in this together" beyond a sentence that sounds nice coming out of your mouth that strokes your indoctrination into the good/bad binary.

Until you do right by me, may you suck at Mario Kart 'til infinity and beyond.

[Image description: A picture of a Nintendo Wii video game console jutting from the top of a cardboard box. The box has the words "this together" scrawled on one panel in black marker. The image is preceded by the phrase, "My brain when people of pallor in leadership roles are like, "We are in this together!"]

This Week's Opening Thought: January 1, 2024

Image description: An image of the Dateline NBC logo imposed in front of a NYC backdrop.

This year’s opening thought: Happy New Year to those of you who are lifelong learners who understand racism, oppression, hate, colonialism, white supremacy, and genocide are complicated but not complicated enough to not condemn them openly and publicly. May the next 364 days be full of blessings, opportunities, and knowledge that allow you to grow while ensuring you don't end up on an episode of Dateline or 48 Hours Mystery. As for the rest of y'all?

Your sister-in-law looks like she's not with your sibling for the right reasons.

Just sayin’.

[Image description: An image of the Dateline NBC logo imposed in front of a NYC backdrop.]

This Week's Opening Thought: December 4, 2023

Image description: A man is leaning back, removing headphones from his head. He has a look of disgust and anguish on his face as he recoils. Above him are the words, "Me when a person of pallor starts telling me a story about why they're racist like it's a valid reason for being racist."

This week's opening thought for people of pallor: I don't want to sit with you as you spin a yarn about why you're justified in your racist ideology and actions.

I don't want to hear about how you, at age 57, are racist because a Black kid almost stole your wallet when you were 13.

I don't want to engage with your story of being one of the only white kids in a predominately Black, Brown, or melanated neighborhood and how you were picked on in high school when you're currently in your mid-40s.

I don't want to hear your tale about having a crush on a Latine kid when you were in the ninth grade and being dissed by him and his friends, leaving you embarrassed and humiliated unless you're still in the ninth grade for some reason at the age of 30.

What I want is for you to process your trauma through therapy (EMDR is your homey).

What I want is for you to understand that while any incident can impact and traumatize you, one interaction with a melanated person that didn't go your way is not a reasonable bar for developing and cultivating a lifetime of hatred for any particular race.

I want you to digest that I don't want to hear your supervillain origin story.

I want you to be better and do better.

And I want you to understand that damn near every melanated person you meet in life could have a supervillain origin story, but we decided to make a left instead of a right when we got to the fork in the road.

Racism is villainy. It ain't even super. It's just villainy. And it is significantly so if you're a person of pallor who regularly benefits from dominant culture and white supremacy. Stop trying to justify and seek validation for your hate.

Save the supervillain origin stories for the comic books.

You ain't fly enough to be Doctor Doom.

(Note: every example above is true. I have had those situations and many more shared with me over the years by "well-meaning" "professionals" of pallor.)

[Image description: A man is leaning back, removing headphones from his head. He has a look of disgust and anguish on his face as he recoils. Above him are the words, "Me when a person of pallor starts telling me a story about why they're racist like it's a valid reason for being racist."]

This Week's Opening Thought: November 28, 2023

This week's (late) opening thought: I've gotten so few compliments and affirmations for my work in workplaces over the past decade that it feels like a set-up when I do get them. Like, I'm not on a hunt for kudos, but it does affect a person when all you receive is negativity while watching people of pallor and folx in the sunken place are treated like "model employees" while doing immeasurable harm.

I've gotten yelled at, mistreated, disregarded, "coached," complained about, written up, and separated from employment so many times for just existing and trying my damndest every day to mitigate harm to others that when someone tells me they think I'm doing a good job? I'm waiting for the "but."

For years, my body and brain felt like they were in constant danger at work. I'm doing much better now, but real talk? I do a decent job of maintaining, but I have lapsed into that trauma state of mind way more than I'd like, depending on the day and circumstances. If it weren't for therapy, exercise, and mindfulness, I'd be a f---g mess. How do I know this?

Until a few years ago, I was two steps away from being a f---g mess. All the time.

Workplace trauma is real, y'all.

I know from experience.

This Week's Opening Thought: November 13, 2023

This week's opening thought: Some of y’all have genuinely shown how devoid you are of humanity, global compassion, and empathy over the past few years, haven't y'all? I mean, damn. A global pandemic, multiple boiling points coming to a head around centuries of racism, white supremacy, and hate in the United States, and countless lives lost to war, disease, hatred, and oppression, and some of y’all are still out here playin’ devil’s advocate or sharing toxic “hot takes” with no regard for who you harm or disregard as valid and human.

If, after enduring almost five years of collective and individual harm and trauma and watching as people in your communities, workplaces, and across the globe are enduring extreme trauma and strife, you can’t find an ounce of compassion for others and empathize with how hard things are for so many people without caveats or quips about how your “views” on local and global matters as a “good person” are more valid or how you don’t have privilege and your experiences mean more than those of others?

You’re proof positive that empathy, compassion, and decency are not inherent but learned.

And please believe that this is not a “white people thing.” Some of y’all are out here highly melanated and highly problematic.

It’s not that hard to care about the lives and trials of others, but some of y’all act like it’s akin to doing Calculus while dodging arrows on a tightrope.