On White Women, Handmaids, and (Maybe) Stepping Up

As we end June 2022 and wind down Pride Month and Juneteenth celebrations, we walk away from a month of tumult with a hazy horizon in front of us. I’ve seen a lot of joy and pride in embracing oneself and celebrating culture and perseverance in the face of hate and oppression.

That joy and pride conflicted with the hard-to-miss fact that the United States is trending toward becoming more dangerous and harmful to most of its citizenry than it already is.

As Roe v. Wade was overturned, as the religious right began its long-gestating power play to obliterate the line between church and state, I’ve seen many white people shocked at what’s happening around them. Many white women are suddenly distraught at the future ahead of us if the citizenry doesn’t collectively stand up and fight for rights and safety. Bodily autonomy is officially on the chopping block, and the future of women’s rights and reproductive health looks a little murky. I’ve seen many white women with tears in their eyes, sharing their stories of needing reproductive health access and saying their eyes are now open. They’re proclaiming they’re ready to stand up and fight on every social media platform they can find. Because I’m human, I can feel for those white women and their fear and anxiety, at least a little bit. But as a Black man in the United States?

They can miss me with their shock.

And they can Matrix miss me with those tears.

In the 2020 election, among White women, according to NBC News, 43 percent supported Biden, and 55 percent supported Trump. There was little meaningful change from 2016 when the same exit poll showed that 43 percent of White women supported Clinton and 52 percent supported Trump. Other significant polling data found the same or similar percentages, give or take a couple of percentage points.

You can miss me with those tears, white women.

More white women are in the U.S. House and Senate than at any point in United States history. They are primarily Republican, and a sizable portion of them are Christian conservatives. Those who are Democrats are mostly moderate or centrist in their voting habits. And most of them have voting records that set the stage for everything we’ve seen over the past week by supporting and enabling white supremacist and oppressive policies, bills, and laws.

On top of all those mentioned above, Black women and Black, Brown, and Indigenous movements have warned white women of the dangers of aligning with white supremacist patriarchal values since before the Women’s suffrage movement. We’ve stressed the need for understanding the intersectional impacts of siding with whiteness and white Christian dogma over the unethical and hateful treatment of women and people with uteruses in the United States.

You can miss me with those tears.

You have nothing to be shocked about, white women. What are you shocked about? That the safety you thought you had by aligning yourself with white patriarchal nonsense doesn’t exist? You thought they were only coming after the “colored women?” You thought these repeals and Supreme Court decisions would skip you as a white woman and oppress everyone else?

That’s a dangerous game to play, white women.

But you already knew that, and many of you played it anyway.

You played the game, lost, and now it’s time to do more than cry. Mourn a little. Mourn the loss of your conscious obliviousness. Feel the weight of the moment. Begin processing the trauma and anxiety of it all.

Then step your asses up to the plate and fight for EVERYONE. Not just for white women. Not just for white people with uteruses.

For ALL people with uteruses.

For ALL women.

Are you going to step up now? Or will you keep comparing the current state of things to the Handmaid’s Tale and posting your personal stories for sympathy while levying microaggressions toward Black women who aren’t coddling you now?

If I shake my Magic 8-Ball, something tells me all signs will point to no.

How about you prove me wrong?

On Stereotypes, AAPI Communities, Generational Trauma, and Divisions Created by White Supremacy

I want to take a minute today to touch on anti-Blackness from AAPI communities operating within the confines of white supremacist ideology. And I'm only going to take a minute because I have better things to do with my time and energy today than to unpack all of this for free.

Many people of color, a lot of folx from AAPI communities, have demonstrated their anti-Blackness to me or in front of me on numerous occasions. They tend to jump on my posts about my experiences with racism and white supremacy and aim to check or educate me. The goal is to silence me or scold me. If I'm honest, these incidents are pretty regular occurrences, and there are too many to count. While white folx tend to be the largest segment of people who wield their white supremacy to "check me," the runners-up are Japanese, Korean, and Chinese professionals. I talk more about the anti-Blackness I receive from white folx than from Japanese, Korean, and Chinese communities, as white comments and incidents are daily and Japanese, Korean, and Chinese comments and incidents are weekly. But we're going to talk about it today because I woke up to the post you see below this morning in response to Monday’s opening thought post.

I know the "model minority" myth and the pain it has caused for so many AAPI communities. I understand, and I'm always learning more layers of the generational trauma that many AAPI communities are grappling with at the hands of white supremacy. I also know how many folx from AAPI communities have adopted white supremacist ideologies to survive in a hostile, white-centric world. And because of this, even when you aim your hate at me, I still feel compassion for you. Why?

Because your anger and hate have nothing to do with me.

When you use stereotypes to silence Black voices or blame us for being harmed by whiteness and our generational trauma, I know that you've got generational trauma you need to unpack and process.

When you try to use one Black person being mean or hateful to you as the "standard" for every Black person you meet, I know that you've got generational trauma you need to unpack and process.

When your advice to Black people is to be more docile and less of a stereotype, I know you've got generational trauma you need to unpack and process.

And I know because Black communities in the United States, in white western culture, have got a lot of generational trauma to unpack.

You aren't alone.

The difference is, I'm not going out of my way to diminish your experiences, your trauma, to adhere to white supremacist ideology that isn't offering me non-existent protections.

I can't speak for all of the Black and AAPI community relations in the United States. I know racism toward AAPI communities from Black communities exists. And vise-versa. I've seen and had to check Black folx for using anti-Asian rhetoric and hate as weapons against AAPI communities. Hell, you've seen me do it on this page. The truth is if you aren't white in the United States, you've been pitted against other races for generations in a battle created by the weight of oppression and trauma. That's how white supremacy operates: division and the hope of false safety and privilege. As people of color, as Black communities and AAPI communities, we can continue perpetuating this violence, or we can be the generation that starts unpacking why we're so divided when we are not each other's enemy.

I think y'all know where I stand.

I don't pray, but I'm going to ask my homies that do pray to include Ding in your prayers today. Let's wish him no hate but healing and the opportunity to unpack his perceived privilege and trauma.

I hope those prayers trickle down to others who need them.

[Image description: a screenshot of a comment posted on my LinkedIn by a gentleman name Ding Fu. It says the following:

“Pharoah, I am an Asian so neutral in this Black vs. white discussion. Here is my take:

• I have observed more crime in person by Black people in a mostly white city

• I have observed more gangster style among Blacks, e.g. playing really loud and vulgar music, wearing clothes where their underwear is showing, etc.

• Being really rude and loud and even making fun of me being a small Asian

I have had few Blacks at work who were extremely nice but they are minority in comparison.

I feel Black community likes to blame whites but doesn’t want to look inwards. This victim mentality only generates anger and resentment instead of focus on improvement. Here are things to focus on:

• Don’t promote gangster culture including vulgar music and clothing

• Counter crime by helping Black communities focus on education

• Teach Black people to be nice to others smaller than them"]

Image description: a screenshot of a comment posted on my LinkedIn by a gentleman name Ding Fu. It says the following:

“Pharoah, I am an Asian so neutral in this Black vs. white discussion. Here is my take:

I have observed more crime in person by Black people in a mostly white city

I have observed more gangster style among Blacks, e.g. playing really loud and vulgar music, wearing clothes where their underwear is showing, etc.

Being really rude and loud and even making fun of me being a small Asian

I have had few Blacks at work who were extremely nice but they are minority in comparison.

I feel Black community likes to blame whites but doesn’t want to look inwards. This victim mentality only generates anger and resentment instead of focus on improvement. Here are things to focus on:

Don’t promote gangster culture including vulgar music and clothing

Counter crime by helping Black communities focus on education

Teach Black people to be nice to others smaller than them"

On Painful Anniversaries, Anti-Asian Hate, and Solidarity in the Face of Hate

TW: Anti-Asian hate, violence, murder, fetishization.

Today marks the one-year anniversary of 21-year-old Robert Aaron Long murdering eight people in a mass shooting spree at three Atlanta, Georgia, area spas, which Long claims happened due to his "sex addiction." Long's actions led to the senseless murders of Xiaojie "Emily" Tan, 49; Daoyou Feng, 44; Delaina Yaun, 33; Paul Michels, 54; Suncha Kim, 69; Soon Chung Park, 74; Hyun Jung Grant, 51; and Yong Ae Yue, 63.

The murders of these eight people, living their lives and trying to make a living, were not isolated incidents.

Attacks against Asian Americans have been on the rise since the start of the pandemic. The FBI reported an increase in anti-Asian hate crimes since 2019. The group Stop AAPI Hate has tracked nearly 11,000 hate incidents against Asian Americans from March 2020 to December 2021, with more occurring in 2021 than 2020. Most of those incidents targeted women from AAPI communities.

With racial attacks on the rise, AAPI communities are increasingly fearing for their safety with very little accountability for the actions of those initiating hate crimes. A recent survey published this month from the National Asian Pacific American Women's Forum (NAPAWF) found that 74% of Asian American and Pacific Islander women reported experiencing racism and/or discrimination over the last year. 53% said the perpetrator was a stranger or someone they didn't know. For East Asian respondents, in particular, 51% of women said they feel less safe today than at the start of the pandemic.

As we look at the anniversary of a violent and hateful act, I feel so much pain for my AAPI friends, family, and colleagues. As a person of color, a Black person, I feel this pain deeply because I know how terrifying it is to believe you might not make it home today. I know how horrifying it is to think that your loved ones might not make it to the dinner table tonight. But what I really feel, deep inside my soul, is exhaustion.

I'm tired. I've been tired. One thing I'm so tired of is watching as communities of color have to acknowledge painful and traumatizing anniversaries while asking for justice and safety that never come. Many of my AAPI friends, family, and colleagues are also tired. I know many of you are hurting, scared, still trying to reconcile why this has to be your reality and why there is so much hate in this world. I don't have answers. But you do have me – my support, care, and solidarity.

I stand with my AAPI friends, family, and colleagues on this painful anniversary and every other day of the year too. I stand with AAPI women and femmes on this painful anniversary and every other day of the year too. I will always stand with you and fight for your right to live, to exist, to thrive, not to be objectified and fetishized by white supremacy and hate. And we'll keep fighting together to make it so that the only anniversaries we're observing are celebrations, not trauma.