On Backseat Driving, Armchair Quarterbacking, and the Oppression Olympics

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People often ask me why I don't post about everything happening in the world. And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING.

"I saw you posted about the recent hate crime in [insert city here], but you didn't say anything about the drag bans."

"You said something about 'quiet quitting,' but I didn't see anything about the recent layoffs."

"How are you talking about what happens to Black women in the workplace but not talking about Black men? We're suffering too."

"I understand the queer community is fighting for their rights, but a Jewish hate crime happened this week too. Why didn't you say something about that?"

You know what? I hear you.

You're right. I didn't talk about all the things that happened this week. And some of y'all are obviously all up in your feelings about it because you choose to send me DMs letting me know how disappointed you are in me not giving what you care about a full write-up. Yeah, I didn't write about some of the things you care about this week. What's stopping you from writing about it?

Here's the thing: I am not the AP news feed. I'm not a "bad ally" because I didn't write something about things impacting your community (FYI: I don't label myself an ally. I wanted to get ahead of that train before it left the station). I can't report on everything going on to keep your news feed fresh because I don't have the time, and I value my energy and health. I don't get paid for these free-99 posts, and y'all ain't tippin' but think you get to dictate the content and experience.

Y'all thought wrong, boo-boo.

I see everything going on and decide how to use my energy based on my mental and emotional state. I can't process all the ongoing trauma around me into a stream of written text. My mental and emotional well-being would be at risk. I also acknowledge that there are some things I feel qualified to write about and others that aren't my story to share. For example, I can write about some of the Black experience, but Black folx aren't a monolith, so there are some topics that other Black folx have shared experiences and perspectives that I do not. In those cases, I share their work with the public with their consent.

How I write and what I write about is a form of self-care and a sign of respect to those whose voices I should elevate and not overshadow. It doesn't mean I don't care about others, as I care about my community. It doesn't mean I'm not helping people, making space for people to share in braver and safer ways, or connecting with people and communities offline. It means I'm not telling YOU, because it's none of YOUR business. I don't use my voice and my privileges to help others for clout. I'm a real G with mine.

And real Gs move in silence like lasagna.

Save the disappointment and vitriol for those harming others. I am not against you, but I am also not a Black body contorting itself to be your soapbox.

Get to blogging.

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Image Description: a tweet from Twitter with the following words in black text: "Hon, is everything ok? You’ve barely touched your 2020 DEI initiative."

"Hon, is everything ok? You’ve barely touched your 2020 DEI initiative."

It's because they thought they wanted a DEI initiative for dinner, but they really wanted Dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets and a pudding cup.

[Image Description: a tweet from Twitter with the following words in black text: "Hon, is everything ok? You’ve barely touched your 2020 DEI initiative."]

On Black History Month, Paying Black Folx, and "Exposure"

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Hello, white U.S. Americans who organize events and programming for your company or organization. It's that time of year when the air is crisp, winter is well underway, and white "professionals" reach out to Black speakers, consultants, and facilitators to speak at their corporate events as panelists and teachers to "celebrate" Black History Month. You reach out to us to share our stories, pain, and lived and learned experiences with your white organizations during the shortest month of the year, continuing the cycles of melanated pain porn for white consumption that your organizations have trafficked in for decades.

And you're still asking us to do this for little to no compensation.

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On "Professionalism" and Kamen Rider T-Shirts

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One of the best decisions I ever made in my life and career was deciding that the concept of “professionalism” was white supremacist thinking and that it was not for me. It’s not a coincidence that the only people who have ever questioned my “professionalism” were white folx with power and positionality who were uncomfortable with me bringing my full self into what they viewed as their workplace.

They can keep questioning.

I’m gonna keep rockin’ these Kamen Rider t-shirts with my nappy hair and my pop culture references while landing podcast appearances, clients across the United States, national conference presentation offers, and local EDI summit invites.

“Professional.”

The Return of the Coffee or Lunch Phenomenon

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I want to take a moment to touch on a phenomenon I had hoped a pandemic and physical distancing put an end to. The phenomenon in question?

The phenomenon of white people asking me out to lunch or coffee to "pick my brain" about anti-racism instead of paying me my consultant rate for my time.

C'mon, white people. Seriously. I feel like we've talked about this at least 20 times. You've been to my website. You often contact me through my website. Yet, you still want to offer me food or drink instead of monetary compensation for my time and energy. Asking people of color, Black people, to provide you with their trauma experiences for a cup of coffee or a sandwich is white supremacy, classism, power, and positionality at play. I am not a pet. I cannot be placated or bribed to cater to your needs with an offer of food and drink. If you want to enlist my consulting services and "pick my brain," my rate is $150 an hour.

Pay Black people for their time and energy with cash, not a damn latte. Pay people of color for sharing their experiences with you with money they can use to take care of themselves and their families and communities, not a chicken sandwich.

Y'all don't even realize how transparent your belief in our value is, do you?