On Pokemon and Fake Friendships for Clout and Emotional Heavy-Lifting

I used to think that telling people of pallor and melanated folx raised by and in communities of pallor to make friends outside of their culture was sound advice. But the older I get, the more I think this is the kind of advice that should only be given after a thorough vibe check because some of y'all are out here on some Ash Ketchum sh—.

So many of y'all willingly miss the concept beyond the advice: to expand your understanding of cultures and communities outside of what you've been raised in and exposed to while addressing and dismissing the toxic stereotypes, phobias, and isms that you're accustomed to. The goal is to learn, unlearn, and evolve as a person, not collect ‘em all for brownie points and false credibility among those you exchange virtue signals with. The goal is to be a better person by unpacking how your ignorance of other cultures and identities has done harm and to do better, not finding a bunch of melanated folx to “befriend” who will hopefully absolve you of your guilt and do your emotional heavy lifting.

That's not friendship.

That's indentured servitude.

And frankly, my patience is too thin, my intelligence is too high (you do know that we know what you're doing, right?), and my ass is too phat to fit in your Pokeball.

And trust me, I know I'm not the only one who feels that way.

“Pharoah used, ‘Nah, I'm tight.’ It's super-effective!”

A Thursday Tip

Hey, y'all! Happy Thursday! It's y'boy, Pharoah, with a Thursday tip for the people of pallor who follow me on this platform.

When y'all ask Black and Brown folx, Indigenous folx, and people of color in general if something you said or did is racist?

Yes.

The answer is always yes.

You don't even have to ask the question. Why?

Because if you're honest with yourself, you already know the answer is yes.

If you have to ask yourself that question, then take the question on the road to get a second opinion from a melanated person you know; the answer is an emphatic yes.

Heck, it's in many respects a racist act even to ask a person of color if you've done or said something racist and expect them to absolve you of your guilt or provide emotional labor for you as you grapple with your perpetuation of white supremacist ideologies.

You're not as naive as you think you are about this.

You know.

About Sonya

Sonya Massey.

I'm not going to watch the bodycam footage. I stopped that practice many years ago. I can’t keep watching my people die, so I refuse to engage in the trauma porn of our constant suffering.

Doesn’t make the reality of it all hurt any less.

I honestly have no more words for the ever-present harming and willful disregard of Black women. I have rage, sadness, deep sorrow, but no words that verbalize how jumbled it all feels in my brain, body, and soul.

I advise every Black person, every Black woman, to not watch the footage. Please don’t do that to yourself. That said, if you’re a Black person, especially a Black woman, and you feel like you have to watch, please do everything and anything you need to do to take care of yourself in the moment and after you’ve finished viewing it. Your mental and emotional health matter.

Black women just want to live without constant threats to their lives and livelihoods.

I don’t know why this is so damn difficult for people of pallor to want to understand.

Sonya Massey.

Say her name.

A Quick Sit-Down on Juneteenth

Hey, people of pallor. It's y'boy, Pharoah. Not "your boy" - y'boy. Believe me when I say there is a difference.

But I digress.

We've got bigger fish to fry, so let me pull up a chair and straddle it like Commander Riker so we can have a quick chat.

You sitting down? You comfy? Alright. Awesome. Let's "rap."

I don't know the proper "greeting" or "well wishes" message that someone who isn't Black should offer to Black people on Juneteenth, but y'all wishing me a Happy Juneteenth does not feel right.

It gives "progeny of oppressors hoping you will give them a pass because, hey, you're getting a federal holiday for your ancestor's suffering, so why are you uncomfortable with me acknowledging the holiday that exists because of my ancestors oppressing your ancestors" vibes, which is not a good look.

So I'm gonna float a few alternatives your way so you don't have to insert your foot in your mouth on some fetish sh--.

Maybe you shouldn't say anything to the Black people in your lives outside of maybe hoping that today is a day of rest for them if they have it off from work.

Maybe you could not treat Juneteenth like a summer barbecue holiday and not diminish its significance like you've diminished Labor Day, Memorial Day, or even Independence Day.

Maybe you could take some time today to learn Juneteenth's history and significance while enjoying your unearned federal day off.

Maybe you could legitimately volunteer your time and energy to a cause supporting Black communities in your city while enjoying your unearned federal day off.

Maybe you could recognize that Juneteenth only represents the emancipation of enslaved Africans in Confederate states and that enslaved Africans as a whole weren't free across the United States until the passage and ratification of the Thirteenth Amendment in December 1865, so Juneteenth, while being a significant moment in Black U.S. history, isn't the "Black Independence Day" y'all have been led to believe it is.

...

You're gonna go ahead and ignore everything I said because it feels uncomfortable in your tummy and wish me a Happy Juneteenth anyway, aren't you?

Of course you are.

SIGH.

Well, I tried.

"Good talk."

[Image description: A cartoon of Star Trek: The Next Generation character Commander Riker awkwardly straddling and sitting in a chair.]

Image description: A cartoon of Star Trek: The Next Generation character Commander Riker awkwardly straddling and sitting in a chair.

On Resilience, Privilege, Catchphrases, and Affirmations

If you view resilience as something you can quantify as a "side quest" achievement that can be yours if you "work hard" and "dedicate yourself" to cultivating it, then you need to take a moment to acknowledge that you have led a privileged life.

A whole lot of us are resilient because we had no choice.

For many of us, it's about being resilient or perishing. Many of us come from lineages and ancestries that had to be resilient in the face of overwhelming oppression, racism, colonialism, elitism, classism, and white supremacy. Many of us carry the weight of our ancestors in our bodies while we navigate a world still using the same tools to oppress our communities 300+ years later. Many have identities that put us at odds with societal "norms" when all we want to do is live and thrive. Many of us tap into our resiliency daily because it's either fight or die.

There's no in-between.

If you're able to view resilience as a catchphrase, a watered-down yoga affirmation from your "guru" of pallor, or a "workplace value" for your company that you espouse to new hires with glee and gusto, you have no idea how privileged you are.

But hey, at least it looks "awesome" on that Etsy motivational poster you've got up in your house or cubicle, right?