On tWitch, Trauma, and Being a Black Man in Peril

Image description: a picture of Stephen "tWitch" Boss. He is wearing a yellow beanie and a red and green plaid shirt with rolled sleeves. He is smiling at the viewer.

TW: Discussion around suicide and Black trauma.

With the passing of Stephen "tWitch" Boss, I found myself thinking again this morning about the weight many Black men carry in their brains and bodies.

I think about depression, anxiety, and how Black men and Black bodies have been conditioned to "just deal." In concept and conversation, I'm reflecting on the taboo treatment of mental health in many Black communities. I'm thinking of how my family scoffed at me when I brought up my struggles with depression as a teenager and adult. I think about how I was a functional alcoholic from 15 to my early twenties to dull the pain of feeling inadequate and unable to help my family rise from poverty. I look back on how my family and parents reacted when I mentioned one or all of my siblings possibly struggling with depression and anxiety. I find myself in my teens again, watching my father block out his depression and childhood trauma with gambling and alcohol. I reflect on how my father was in a near-constant state of unhappiness for most of my childhood and adult life and finding out about his decades of drug abuse a few years ago. And while mulling over all of these things, I can't help but wonder how many Black men might still be here if our community cultures didn't deter Black men from being vulnerable and more open to taking care of themselves and asking for help.

I wish being a Black man could include being a human being grappling with your trauma and emotions and seeking help and support from other Black people without being looked down on and being called a "sissy" or "punk."

I wish being a Black man didn't come with the spoken and unspoken shackles of "just deal" ideologies.

I wish being a Black man came with the option to believe in self-care and therapy and talk about it out loud to show other Black men, Black people, that you don't have to be afraid of being a multi-layered being.

I wish being a Black man didn't come with so many ingrained and societally-driven ways to die.

To my fellow Black men: it's OK not to be OK. It's OK not to "be hard" and walk around with a facade masking your pain and trauma. It's OK to ask for help. It's OK to prioritize your mental and emotional health. It's OK to be vulnerable and open and honest. It's OK to believe that you deserve to feel better because you do deserve it.

If you need help, please do not hesitate to seek help. Go to https://www.sprc.org/populations/blacks-african-americans for resources and information. Call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) or text the Crisis Text Line at 741741. Find a Black therapist in your area at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us and schedule an appointment as soon as possible. Get the help you deserve. Your life and health matter.

Black Mental Health Matters.

Rest well, tWitch. Rest well.

[Image description: a picture of Stephen "tWitch" Boss. He is wearing a yellow beanie and a red and green plaid shirt with rolled sleeves. He is smiling at the viewer.]

On Fresh Baked Bread and Finding The Medium of Identity and Career Aspirations

Image description: A picture of fresh-baked herb focaccia bread. The bread has been sliced into squares.

As a melanated person, a Black person, in white-centered workplaces, I speak from experience when I say a great deal of energy and a sense of grounding and peace comes from not caving into the "norms" and demands of white supremacist workplace culture ideology as a means of survival. It is liberating to work toward finding the medium in your career that allows you to maintain your identity while thriving personally and financially. With that said, I can also say that by doing so, you open yourself up to a great deal of uncertainty in your future employment opportunities.

Everybody isn't going to be too keen on you maintaining who you are, even those who claim that's why they hired you. They'll expect you to be someone different, to change yourself, and make yourself "acceptable." They will verbalize these expectations, putting your job on the line and leaving you feeling like you're inadequate or a "bad" employee. There will be times when you decide to change yourself to protect yourself. Those moments will hurt, and you might find yourself harboring some resentment, anger, or disappointment toward yourself because you won't feel as protected as you thought. You might not feel protected at all. You may feel more unsafe than ever in your workplace. You'll feel alone.

But you're not alone, far from it.

So many people are flipping that same coin every day because of the world we live in and the workplaces our society has cultivated.

Please know that you are not alone. Please know that I do not judge you because I've been in your shoes and see the weight you carry with your decisions. If anything, I wish you the space and energy to find ways not to shrink who you are and what you bring to the workplace into a trail of crumbs instead of the fresh, robust focaccia you genuinely are. It's not easy, but I promise it is worth it.

Sending you energy and love as you navigate the quagmire of career employment.

P.S.: Yeah, I just compared you to bread. Focaccia, to be exact. Your future and needs are decadent fuel for your soul, like focaccia. You know what? Maybe you should have some focaccia and dipping oil and call it a day. You deserve it.

On Melanin, Mermaids, and Well Water

The white folx out here mad about Black elves, mermaids, and extraterrestrials in television shows and films are the same white folx who are also mad whenever Black folx, Black women, in their workplaces get leadership roles, promotions, and salary increases.

The waters of their hate and intolerance in both instances are pumped from the same well.

Don't act like this hate is about "preserving the source material," "honoring the original novels," or anything like that. It's about white folx preserving what they think is theirs, what they believe is owed to them. It's about believing their identity is the only identity that matters at work and in the media they consume. It's about the unwillingness to sit with the belief that heroes and leaders can be green, orange, pale, have face ridges, pointy ears, fangs, tails, and a whole lot of other incredulous things going on, but them being Black? That's "too much." Why?

Because they believe Black people aren't heroes or protagonists, they believe Black people can't be leaders and experts in their fields. They can't be heroes. They can't be the main character of the story. They can't lead industries and shape workplaces. Why?

For many white people, Blackness being anything more than chattel slavery and centuries of systemic oppression is unbelievable. For them, being Black and a leader and protagonist is more of a fantasy than hobbits, elves, mermaids, explorers, leaders, and superheroes. For many white people, Black folx are and will always be less than, which means that we're not worthy of being heroes, leaders, protagonists, or new interpretations of stories and characters that whiteness has deemed white classics.

Some white people need to own that they want their workplaces, television, films, and literature to prescribe to 3/5 Compromise logic. Own who you are and what you believe. You'll still be foolish and hateful, but you won't look as silly as some white person on the internet raging over a mermaid being Black when their ancestors threw my ancestors' deceased or weary Black bodies off of slave ships to the bottom of the ocean.

Never mind. You'll still look just as silly.

Your white supremacy is showing. Might wanna tuck that in.

On Brittney, Breonna, and Giving Black Women Their Flowers

TW: Murder, anti-Blackness, violence, and systemic and intentional harm of Black women.

Brittney Griner was sentenced to nine years in prison today by Russian prosecutors. For a vape and some vape cartridges. And now Brittney Griner will be a political pawn in a dangerous "pissing match" game between two stubborn white cis men who fashion themselves as leaders. One was elected by the U.S. American people not because he was the most qualified but because we were given limited options. One elected himself by force, as white cis men are prone to do.

Nine years. For a vape and some vape cartridges.

It's taken over two years for the family of Breonna Taylor to even remotely see the possibility of justice and accountability for her unnecessary and reckless murder at the hands of Louisville, Kentucky, police officers. And while these are federal charges they're now facing, there's no guarantee Breonna's murderers will be held accountable for their actions.

Over two years. In a case where all the evidence points to blatant recklessness, endangerment, and murder.

Damnit.

This world truly goes out of its way to harm Black women, to disregard their worth and life, use them, drain them, and discard them. I'm tired.

I know Black women are beyond tired.

Sending all of my love, energy, and support to Black women today and every day as the world sends y'all reminders of how much y'all have to endure to live and thrive. Y'all deserve all the flowers, the love, and support in this cruel world.

On Independence, White Apathy Masquerading as Empathy, Black Bodies and Policing

TW: anti-Blackness, murder, police violence.

To white “professionals”:

Jayland Walker.

Say his name.

Quit acting like the murder of Black bodies at the hands of the police isn’t a regular part of U.S. American life. You know better than that by now.

Quit questioning why this keeps happening. You already know the answers to these questions.

Quit offering condolences or making performative social media posts. There ain’t enough black squares and “we need to do better” posts in the world that will ever supplant white people taking legitimate action to unwrap the lack of accountability and white supremacist ideology the U.S. was built on.

Quit watching and sharing the video of Jayland being shot by Akron, Ohio police more than 60 times. It’s not the “liberal” flex you think it is. No one needs to watch that pain. You sharing the video of that pain is a symbol of your lack of care for Black people’s trauma.

Quit thinking the Black people in your workplace or community only need a few days to heal and will be OK because they have the 4th of July off and/or a 3-day weekend. Most of us haven’t healed from the last murder by police in our cities or in this country, let alone everything else that has transpired lately in this country. And most of us hate the 4th of July. We’re using it as a day to stay the hell away from y’all and get into a headspace where we can exist for a few days at work around y’all to get back to another weekend so we heal some more.

Quit doing all of the above and start asking yourself why you do all of the above. And unpack that sh— on your time. Don’t put the labor of your messy white supremacist sh— on Black folx as your white fragility/violence sounding boards.

Enjoy your ribs and your small explosives that harm veterans and pets.

Independence.