Monday's Opening Thought: October 25, 2021

This week’s opening thought for those who make leadership decisions in organizations: There is NO simple fix for the decades of systemic oppression and white supremacy that you’ve allowed to happen unabated in your company for decades. Quit looking for one.

There’s no one-off training that’ll suddenly abolish the toxic ways your white male managers treat and talk down to Black women under their supervision.

No anti-racism “checklist” exists that will automatically stop the patriarchy protecting white women in your workplace from pulling out the white tears whenever they’re called out for their words and actions.

No monthly anti-racism book club will Thanos snap the microaggressions and oppression Olympics and white victimhood away.

No equity audit will instantly change the minds of your board of directors or the senior leadership team who do not believe that racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia are running rampant in your company. It will not change their thinking that these issues only impact a couple of people and are not a core part of your company culture.

Everybody wants the quick solution, the thing that will make all of the hateful things their company let become a seamless part of the workplace culture go away so that they can brag that they “defeated hate.” They want the nuke that’ll put it down, once and for all, with minimal damage to the surrounding area and the villagers near the explosion. The thing is, it took your company countless decades to allow this hate kaiju to grow into a damn near unstoppable creature fed by decades of your neglect and gaslighting.

Why do you think it won’t take decades to put the hate kaiju you and everyone who has had power and positionality for decades in your company allowed to manifest and gain sentience down? And down for good at that?

You’re going to need more than a nuke to kill this beast of your creation. Better get to work before you run out of villagers to sacrifice.

The Return of the Coffee or Lunch Phenomenon

I want to take a moment to touch on a phenomenon I had hoped a pandemic and physical distancing put an end to. The phenomenon in question?

The phenomenon of white people asking me out to lunch or coffee to "pick my brain" about anti-racism instead of paying me my consultant rate for my time.

C'mon, white people. Seriously. I feel like we've talked about this at least 20 times. You've been to my website. You often contact me through my website. Yet, you still want to offer me food or drink instead of monetary compensation for my time and energy. Asking people of color, Black people, to provide you with their trauma experiences for a cup of coffee or a sandwich is white supremacy, classism, power, and positionality at play. I am not a pet. I cannot be placated or bribed to cater to your needs with an offer of food and drink. If you want to enlist my consulting services and "pick my brain," my rate is $150 an hour.

Pay Black people for their time and energy with cash, not a damn latte. Pay people of color for sharing their experiences with you with money they can use to take care of themselves and their families and communities, not a chicken sandwich.

Y'all don't even realize how transparent your belief in our value is, do you?

Monday's Opening Thought: October 18, 2021

This week’s opening thought: I feel like it’s time to circle back around to the concept of trust. We went there a little last week but we’ve still got much to discuss. I’ve heard the word trust a lot lately in organizations that I work for and with, and I think it’s time for a refresher course on how the concept of trust works in the workplace.

Companies often ask me to help them in their quest to get their employees to trust them after years, sometimes decades, of constantly dismantling trust and faith in them and the organization’s decisions that they co-sign either with zeal or inaction. Leaders, supervisors, managers, and department heads – they all want me to conjure up the “right” mix of checklists and one-off trainings to make those who work under them trust them again. Of course, the mental and emotional labor and difficult conversations that come with rebuilding trust and holding themselves accountable for eroding trust ain’t on the table. People like me are supposed to be the vessel to push employees into finding the company and its leaders trustworthy again. And this is supposed to be done without those with power, positionality, and white privilege participating in the reconciliation and accountability process.

Y’all are a case study in why it takes a lifetime to shift organizational culture. Y’all are also a case study of how patriarchal white supremacy works. What does that case study prove?

That too many people, especially white people, believe that there is power in trust but not in the accountability and humanity that fosters, builds, and rebuilds trust once it’s been broken.

You don’t get to have people trust you without earning trust and making sure your words and actions engender a consistent belief that you are trustworthy. And if you stumble and fracture that trust? Then you have to be willing to atone for your missteps and get back on the horse to prove once again that you are trustworthy. But y’all don’t want that kind of responsibility. Y’all want a 60-minute palatable-to-people-of-pallor non-mandatory training paired with a marginalized person you’ve hired to advocate for you and sell folx on a narrative around why you should be trusted. And even if you constantly do and say things to said person to solidify that they won’t trust you either, you expect them to give it their all to make others trust you. What does that do? Well, you force your new “diversity hire” to decide to either maintain their integrity and face being fired or pushed out or throw their credibility in the nearest garbage can and cape for you.

Does that sound like a relationship built on trust to you?

Do you want people’s trust? Earn it. Be human. Own your responsibility in fracturing and eroding trust. But quit trying to find a middle person to do it for you.

There ain’t no such thing as trust by proxy.

Consulting and Coaching for EDI Consultants and Trainers is Here!

So announcement time! I am now offering anti-racism consulting, equity and inclusion consulting, burnout mitigation guidance, and overall support for anti-racism and equity trainers, facilitators, and consultants.

I know from experience how heavy, draining, and isolating this work can be. I’ve faced periods of burnout, fatigue, and shaken faith in the purpose of this hard but necessary work. I’ve been fortunate enough to come out of the other side of these struggles with new practices to center my mental and emotional health and well-being while de-centering the guilt and failure that can often come with doing this vital work in white supremacist workplaces. I want to take my decade of experience in the trenches, implementing difficult change in workplaces while centering myself to have the energy to support others, dismantle feelings of guilt and failure, and de-center whiteness to work for other EDI consultants, trainers, and facilitators.

The goal of this service? To offer consultants something that isn’t always accessible or available to them: a thought partner with experience implementing and executing short-term and long-term strategies while supporting EDI practitioners and leading groups and networking events tailored to giving EDI practitioners a community in an isolating field of work.

So many EDI practitioners are doing this work in areas and regions of the United States where they do not have a team, thought partners, accomplices, or general support in their endeavors. So many folx across the United States want to begin careers focused on pushing for equity, inclusion, and anti-racism in systems and workplaces but don’t know where to start or what their focus should be. Thanks to technology, though, I can offer support and insight to folx nationwide and help you fulfill your goals in this work while taking care of yourself. This means we can work together to remove those barriers to thought partnership, learning, coaching, and community and help EDI practitioners find their mental, emotional, and physical footing in this work.

Are you thinking of starting a career in equity and inclusion but are unsure of where to start? I can help you navigate what approaches and focus areas will utilize and amplify your lived experience, perspectives, and talents.

Are you an EDI consultant, trainer, or facilitator who is struggling with burnout and feelings of failure? I can help you begin re-centering yourself inside and outside of your work and embrace ways to take care of your mental and emotional health.

Are you an EDI consultant, trainer, or facilitator who is struggling to get over the white fragility/violence discomfort wall with a client? I can help you get your head around building and implementing new approaches to discussion and training that can break down those barriers while de-centering white comfort.

Are you an EDI consultant, trainer, or facilitator who is struggling with feeling isolated in your work and looking for not only solidarity but a thought partner and confidant? I can be your thought partner and a new line of support.

My rate for these specially focused consults is $150 for one (1) 60-90 minute session; a 4-session package is available for $550. The initial meeting to discuss your needs and focus areas and to ascertain if I am the right fit for the support you’re seeking is free. If you decide to move forward with me after the initial consult I will begin my work with you collaborating on building a roadmap regarding what we’ll be working on/focusing on together that is flexible yet centered on your needs and goals. We will use that roadmap to kickstart our work.

If you are an anti-racism and equity trainer, facilitator, or consultant and you think I might be able to help you with any of the above (or possibly even something not listed above) please feel free to drop me a line so we can take action together!

Monday's Opening Thought: October 11, 2021

This week's opening thought: I know that many of y'all do not trust Human Resources. You don't trust the HR folx who work for your employer. You've witnessed them gaslighting people. You've watched, powerless, as they harm people of color and marginalized folx, either directly or through defending those who aim to hurt them with aplomb. You've seen them do and say harmful, racist, sexist, patriarchal, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, ableist, ageist, and do it all behind a veil of being a decent and "well-meaning" person. If you're a person of color, you've likely been on the receiving end of these words and actions. Same for if you're part of a marginalized community. And don't get me started on how most HR "professionals" view those with intersectional identities and handle matters connected to intersectionality and oppression. I want to say that I get it.

I get why you don't trust HR or even have a little bit of faith in HR having your best interests at heart. I know you wonder how much they care about you if they seem to be unwilling to mitigate your possible harm at the hands of oppression and white supremacy in the workplace. And because I get it, I want to say…that you are justified in your beliefs and gut instincts. Your experiences with HR are authentic and valid. Real talk?

You shouldn't trust HR.

Hell, I work in HR, and I don't trust the HR people I work with to mitigate the racism, microaggressions, and harm being done to me, let alone anyone else. And for me, much of the oppression and white supremacy I find myself on the receiving end of is being done to me or witnessed by me being done to others by other HR "professionals."

You didn't think I was going to tell you that you should trust HR, did you? C'mon. I would hope you'd expect more from me than that. I can't in good conscience advise y'all to do something that I wouldn't do. I'm sure that many of you reading this have found HR to be more harmful than helpful when you've found yourself being attacked and mistreated in the workplace because of your intersectional identities. If HR folx – those that I've worked with in the past as well as those I currently work with - aren't willing to support and believe me, their token Black "colleague," against the words and actions of white supremacists and oppressors at work, they are not going to be here for you either.

The best advice I can give you is to learn and understand your rights as an employee. Take the time to bone up on labor laws in your state. Attend trainings and seminars around labor law updates. Find out which agencies and labor bureaus in your region, city, or state you can go to for help if you've been facing discrimination, oppression, and racism in your workplace and have been gaslit or denied support by HR. File a complaint with those agencies and take action when you've gotten to the point where you can't endure being harmed at work any longer. Research labor lawyers in your area and file a lawsuit if needed. But don't suddenly think that HR is going to finally decide to help you on your umpteenth time coming to them for help with your white teammates saying and doing racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, and ableist things to you and others. HR ain't here for you. They are here to tow the company line first and mitigate white people's discomfort with facing repercussions for their hateful actions second.

You shouldn't trust HR because they have not shown you that they are willing and capable of centering your humanity over the company's interest and the comfort of white people and people of color with privilege. And that slice of reality is something you can trust.