On Write-Ups, "Performance Improvement Plans," "Managers," and "Leaders"

Write-ups and "performance improvement plans" exist because most "managers" don't know how to have adult, human, centered conversations with their team members to address issues in real-time and view being vulnerable and connected to their team members and colleagues as weaknesses.

Most write-ups and "performance improvement plans" address things that should've been, and still could be, addressed in a one-on-one, actively engaged conversation and regularly scheduled 1:1s.

If most "managers" and "leaders" used write-ups and "performance improvement plans" as human-centered support tools after exhausting all means of straightforward communication instead of weapons to force compliance, we'd be having different conversations about work.

If most "managers" and "leaders" used write-ups and "performance improvement plans" as a means to remove toxic, oppressive, racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, ableist people from the workplace, we'd be having VERY different conversations about work.

Don't @ me. Tell me when I'm tellin' lies.

Both And

Sometimes I have to remind myself that many of the people in the United States pushing for gun safety and banning Critical Race Theory while attacking trans and queer communities are people who have allowed their trauma and familial and community influences to hurt them on a deep level. And hurt people hurt people. I have to make sure I'm considering that hateful views and bigotry are ingrained and learned behaviors often fostered in people from a young age by their families and communities. I must be cognizant of the trauma we all carry and how that trauma manifests as malicious weapons, especially for those with power, privilege, and positionality. I must acknowledge how white supremacist ideologies and societal norms influence how people overtly and covertly wield hate.

But I never have to remind myself that none of the above are excuses or passes for people to be sh—-y, hateful, and harmful to others.

It's both and.

Yeah, hurt people tend to hurt others, especially when they have the power and opportunity to do so. But just because you're unwilling to confront and unpack your generational and societal trauma and familial influences doesn't mean you get to place the burden of your hurt on those your skewed beliefs deem appropriate to oppress.

I can hold out hope for your healing and still hold you accountable for the harm you cause. I can acknowledge your trauma and expect you to work on your sh— and improve.

I will simultaneously check you and ask somebody to pray for your soul.

It's both and.

Why?

Because even if you're a hate-filled human being, you're still human. You're still worthy of love and care, even if you think me and my people aren't. You're still worthy of healing and support, even if you think other communities aren't.

Even though you may hate my people and me, I don't hate you. Even though you hate people and communities who have done you no harm, I don’t hate you. Why? I'm practicing living in health and joy. Practicing hate to respond to the hatred of harmful people stuck in their trauma does nothing for anyone. No person who has lived in a cycle of trauma and hate has ever been joyful about life.

I ain’t got time for that. Life is short.

Real talk? I hope you get to that place at some point in your life where your hate and trauma aren't your driving forces for the sake of everyone your unresolved pain harms. I hope you get to the point where you can be accountable for your words and actions and acknowledge your pain and the pain you create.

In the meantime, I'mma ask one of my religious homies to pray for your soul while praying for me to have the serenity not to want to lay hands on you while you sport your MAGA hat and act like you’re disappointed in me because I checked yo’ ass and you thought I was "one of the good ones."

Hey, I’m human.

Both and.

This Week's Opening Thought: April 10, 2023

This week’s opening thought to any of us who want to be viewed as “allies,” “accomplices,” or decent people: the moment you believe that there is no learning and listening left to do is when you become a liability to those communities you keep claiming you want to support and elevate.

Suppose you’re closed off to learning, unlearning, re-learning, and re-envisioning what you’ve been told is the right way to learn by the white supremacist concept of education you were subjected to in your formative years. If that’s the case, you will be another contributor to the problems those you claim you want to help have been trying to overcome for generations.

Suppose you’re unwilling to hear new perspectives from younger generations. Suppose you’re reluctant to hear experience-driven views from generations living and doing this work before yours. If that’s the case, you will be another person contributing to silencing communities that are historically and systemically held down and often rendered invisible.

Suppose you’re unwilling to be called in or out for your words and actions. Suppose your response to being called in or out is not to hear what is being shared but to go on the defensive. If that’s the case, you are as much of a danger to those you claim you want to support and elevate as the rest of the world around them that is intent on harming them.

Do you like considering yourself a decent person who helps others? Well, decent people spend their lives listening and learning from everyone they meet who feels safer and braver enough to share their insights and experiences with them. Then decent people take what they’ve learned and heard, process it, pay people for their time and emotional labor in human ways, then apply their learning to themselves to improve and push others who share their power and positionality to do the same.

There’s no half-assing learning and listening, especially not when people’s lives and safety are in constant danger.

Monday's Opening Thought: December 20, 2021

This week's opening thought: your voice in the face of oppression or hurdles to progress is just as important and valid as the voices of those who do nothing with their time but take up space, shout down and drown the voices of others, and add nothing to the proceedings but misinformation, narcissism, ignorance, and hate. These voices that overtake the conversation and overwhelm others are seeking to make you silent, gaslight you, invalidate your thoughts because that is how they aim to maintain their power and comfort. But here's the thing: when someone's voice is a weapon of hate and oppression, their thoughts and words are invalid. Why?

Hate doesn't deserve validation.

Narcissism does not earn you validation or the option to be the center of attention.

Willful ignorance and misinformation do not make your words more valid just because you bulldoze others and speak louder than anyone in the room.

Whiteness, power, privilege all operate on the belief that their voice and thoughts are the most important in any discourse and that the voices of those lacking whiteness, power, and privilege are tertiary at best. This is especially true around discussions centering on hate and oppression. Societally, we have all been either forced to begrudgingly accept this or taught that our skin color, and the power and privilege that comes with it, give someone the dominant stance and viewpoint regarding hate and oppression in any conversation. It does not. Adhering to and perpetuating dated patriarchal, white supremacist, hateful societal norms does not validate your voice and thoughts. They make you a toxic and dangerous person. And harmful people do not deserve a platform.

Speak truth to power. Let your voice be heard, even when dealing with those who prefer your silence and oppression over being told their thoughts and views are invalid in a society aiming to be better than those who came before them. Let the strength of your voice turn down the volume on theirs.

Ain't like they're sharing anything worth listenin' to anyway.

Monday's Opening Thought: December 13, 2021

This week’s opening thought: “I’m set in my ways” is the worst excuse ever for why you’ve decided to maintain being sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, or ableist. “I grew up in a different time” is a close second. Neither statement absolves you of doing and saying hateful and harmful things at work, at home, or in the community. And don’t go blaming the way you grew up, the people you grew up with, or the era you grew up in for your beliefs and behaviors. You don’t get a pass for being older and unwilling to learn and unlearn. Hell, you don’t get a pass for being younger or middle-aged and being reluctant to learn and unlearn either. You have the autonomy to evolve and be a better version of who you are. You’re just choosing not to act on that autonomy.