On Saving Those Not Worthy of Your Save

It's the year of someone's Lord 2025 and a whole bunch of y'all are still out here trying to "get through to" hateful, willfully ignorant bigots, hoping to convert them.

Oh, Bro, Broseph, Bro-ham.

Oh, Sister, Sis, Ma'am.

Oh, my friend, my compadre, my peoples.

Y'all gotta stop with the tryin' to save these people.

To paraphrase light-skinned Jermaine, they don't wanna be saved.

People are defending Diddy and Tory Lanez out here, and trying to shame and ridicule those they've harmed. You can't save anybody that deeply enmeshed in that level of misogynoir.

There's a whole bunch of [redacted] people mad that Black folx are happy about the Nottaway Plantation roasting 'til the meat fell off the bone who have the audacity to call it a historical landmark and say tasteless nonsense like, "How would you feel if Auschwitz burned down like this?" You think you're gonna save someone who spews something so simultaneously anti-Black and anti-semetic that it'll make your head spin off of your neck?

There are millions of people who have spent the last 12 years voting for this current administration, knowing damn well what they were backing. Many of them are gleeful about the harm y'all's president and his Dollar General Batman villains are doing to communities across this country, including their own communities. You can't save somebody whose hatred for others is so powerful that they're willing to fall on their own sword multiple times to justify their hatred.

The past 12+ years in this country have made it clear - explicitly clear - that it's time to leave some people behind. If you haven't pivoted already, consider this your notice to turn around and walk away from hateful people and their unflinching toxicity. Focus your energies on the folx in your life and community that need support, because those are the folx who deserve your help and care.

Everybody ain't worth savin', regardless of their relation or degrees of separation from you and yours.

Hate doesn't deserve so much of your love.

On Hate, Bigotry, The Hold They Have on People, and Not Having Hobbies or Interests

I often think about the amount of energy that goes into being an absolutely hateful person. Like, think about how much time hateful people spend ruminating about communities and groups they hate. To hate someone based on their skin color, non-Christian religious beliefs, gender identity, gender expression, ethnocultural heritage...and to devote copious amounts of time - to devote chunks of your lifetime - to harassing and attacking said communities and groups in every space you can find...

You ain't got NOTHING else to do?

No interests, hobbies, or passions outside of your hatred for others?

Like, there are folx out there right now literally spending thousands of hours targeting folx who are minding their business, living their lives, doing nothing to them and for what? What do they have to show for it, outside of successfully fomenting their unwarranted phobias and isms? It's not like they're getting any joy out of it. It's not filling a void in their lives, or giving them a leg up on anyone, or making their lives better. Studies have shown that it's not even providing a momentary satisfaction for them when they do it.

What's the point, other than to live your life as an antagonist that thinks you're better than others?

They don't even realize that their insecurities are on display every time they do what they do, and that we all have to live with the fallout of their unwillingness to unpack their sh-- with a therapist.

Think about how preposterous and useless it is to dedicate so much of your time and energy to attacking trans folx, Black and Brown folx, communities of color, queer communities, non-Christian folx, who ain't even thinkin' about you.

You could be building boats in bottles or doin' needle point but instead you out here trolling people for hours on social media or going out of your way to be in a space with people you claim to not want to be around.

What a waste of time and life.

This Week's Opening Thought: February 26, 2024

This week's (late) opening thought: I wish I could tell you that the world we live in is inherently kind, loving, and affirming, but it's not. We live in a world where countless genocides are happening. We live in a world where trans bathroom bills are killing our Indigenous youth. We live in a world that is constantly seeking out new ways to harm, silence, and dehumanize those with melanin in their skin. If you even have a modicum of empathy and humanity in your soul, I'm sure your body and brain are heavy right now.

I get it because I feel it, too.

It currently feels like a massive undertaking to live, love, and hope. To hope for a better today. To believe in a better tomorrow.

So, I wish I could tell you that our world is inherently kind, loving, and affirming, but it's not.

But that doesn't mean we can't continue striving for it to be so.

There's still love and joy in the world. There's still kindness and humanity. There's still wonder and beauty. It's still there even if it feels like we've got to dig for it, like loose change between seat cushions. No matter what, no matter how daunting it all feels, we must keep diggin' between those seat cushions. We owe it to ourselves, future generations, and our ancestors to embrace love, joy, and hope. We can't be energized and ready to continue fighting without allowing our brains and bodies to live, love, breathe, and hope. So, keep diggin' between those couch cushions and hit the corner store with that loose change.

You deserve some Cheetos and a quarter water before hoppin' back into the fray.

We all do.

On Wedding Websites and Rulings of Hate

This morning, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in favor of Lorie Smith, a "Christian" graphic designer who wanted the right to discriminate against same-sex couples seeking her services. This ruling went in her favor despite a Colorado law prohibiting discrimination based on sexual orientation, race, gender, and other protected characteristics. Smith's argument? That the Colorado law violated her free speech rights.

The conservative U.S. Supreme Court agreed with her.

How did this law violate her "freedom of speech?" Your guess is as good as mine, seeing how no one was twisting her arm to force her to take jobs or be hateful.

Lorie's raggedy ass could've politely declined the request, stating she was busy or unavailable, but she didn't. I'm not saying this move is the right or best way to handle things because it would still be a hateful move, but it wouldn't be as confrontational and escalated as this situation became. Do you know how many white people I've encountered who dislike me and my people but decide their vitriol for me isn't worth escalating, so they passively opt out of things? Way more than you'd think. I know members of LGBTQIA+ communities face similar situations. The couple who sought out Lorie's services could've moved on, likely knowing that there was an underlying current of hate to their request being declined but maybe not feeling like this battle was worth escalating (sadly, many of us have to pick and choose which battles to fight and when).

Lorie didn't have to make it an openly hateful thing with these potential clients, but she did. Lorie didn't have to be aggressively homophobic but chose to be. But Lorie was worried about her "freedom of speech" being taken from her. Real talk?

Lorie wasn't worried about her freedom of speech. Lorie was worried about decency infringing on what she believes is her freedom to hate others "in the name of the Lord."

And now every hateful, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, racist, bigoted, faux Christian business owner in the United States will refuse to serve countless communities because the U.S. Supreme Court has declared they have the right to do so.

You have the right to have your beliefs until your beliefs are constantly wielded as clubs of hatred, bigotry, and white supremacy that harm or murder others. Then they aren't beliefs anymore. They're hate crimes.

The U.S. Supreme Court thinks otherwise.

Both And

Sometimes I have to remind myself that many of the people in the United States pushing for gun safety and banning Critical Race Theory while attacking trans and queer communities are people who have allowed their trauma and familial and community influences to hurt them on a deep level. And hurt people hurt people. I have to make sure I'm considering that hateful views and bigotry are ingrained and learned behaviors often fostered in people from a young age by their families and communities. I must be cognizant of the trauma we all carry and how that trauma manifests as malicious weapons, especially for those with power, privilege, and positionality. I must acknowledge how white supremacist ideologies and societal norms influence how people overtly and covertly wield hate.

But I never have to remind myself that none of the above are excuses or passes for people to be sh—-y, hateful, and harmful to others.

It's both and.

Yeah, hurt people tend to hurt others, especially when they have the power and opportunity to do so. But just because you're unwilling to confront and unpack your generational and societal trauma and familial influences doesn't mean you get to place the burden of your hurt on those your skewed beliefs deem appropriate to oppress.

I can hold out hope for your healing and still hold you accountable for the harm you cause. I can acknowledge your trauma and expect you to work on your sh— and improve.

I will simultaneously check you and ask somebody to pray for your soul.

It's both and.

Why?

Because even if you're a hate-filled human being, you're still human. You're still worthy of love and care, even if you think me and my people aren't. You're still worthy of healing and support, even if you think other communities aren't.

Even though you may hate my people and me, I don't hate you. Even though you hate people and communities who have done you no harm, I don’t hate you. Why? I'm practicing living in health and joy. Practicing hate to respond to the hatred of harmful people stuck in their trauma does nothing for anyone. No person who has lived in a cycle of trauma and hate has ever been joyful about life.

I ain’t got time for that. Life is short.

Real talk? I hope you get to that place at some point in your life where your hate and trauma aren't your driving forces for the sake of everyone your unresolved pain harms. I hope you get to the point where you can be accountable for your words and actions and acknowledge your pain and the pain you create.

In the meantime, I'mma ask one of my religious homies to pray for your soul while praying for me to have the serenity not to want to lay hands on you while you sport your MAGA hat and act like you’re disappointed in me because I checked yo’ ass and you thought I was "one of the good ones."

Hey, I’m human.

Both and.