On Drivers, Passengers, and Road Trips

When you're in a position where you have privilege, power, positionality, or some combination of the three, you are more than likely the driver—the driver of your destiny, your learning, your unlearning, and your personal development and growth, which means your privilege allows you to actively and passively drive things for others who aren't as centrally positioned. But one thing most people seem to neglect thinking about is that when you have so much power as the driver, you need to recognize that half the time, you think you should be driving but would be better off as a passenger.

Being a good passenger is equally as crucial as being a conscientious driver.

Evolving as a person is more about how you engage and absorb information, insights, and uncomfortable truths about yourself and the world around you than it is about being in control of everything. As a passenger, I've learned and unlearned many things. By being humble enough to let someone else take the wheel and giving them an equal share of my power, privilege, and positionality, I have grappled with my discomfort, ignorance, and the hurdles to my growth and development. And I honored those drivers in those moments by paying them back for their time and energy, amplifying their voices, and sharing my own time, energy, and resources to let them be passengers when they wanted to be. If we're all claiming to be on the same road and heading to the same destination, we should be taking shifts as the driver and passenger to give everyone on the trip the chance to be heard, seen, supported, elevated, and to rest, especially those with less privilege, power, and positionality.

That's one of the best road trips, y'all.

That's the road trip to liberation for all.

This Week's Opening Thought: April 10, 2023

This week’s opening thought to any of us who want to be viewed as “allies,” “accomplices,” or decent people: the moment you believe that there is no learning and listening left to do is when you become a liability to those communities you keep claiming you want to support and elevate.

Suppose you’re closed off to learning, unlearning, re-learning, and re-envisioning what you’ve been told is the right way to learn by the white supremacist concept of education you were subjected to in your formative years. If that’s the case, you will be another contributor to the problems those you claim you want to help have been trying to overcome for generations.

Suppose you’re unwilling to hear new perspectives from younger generations. Suppose you’re reluctant to hear experience-driven views from generations living and doing this work before yours. If that’s the case, you will be another person contributing to silencing communities that are historically and systemically held down and often rendered invisible.

Suppose you’re unwilling to be called in or out for your words and actions. Suppose your response to being called in or out is not to hear what is being shared but to go on the defensive. If that’s the case, you are as much of a danger to those you claim you want to support and elevate as the rest of the world around them that is intent on harming them.

Do you like considering yourself a decent person who helps others? Well, decent people spend their lives listening and learning from everyone they meet who feels safer and braver enough to share their insights and experiences with them. Then decent people take what they’ve learned and heard, process it, pay people for their time and emotional labor in human ways, then apply their learning to themselves to improve and push others who share their power and positionality to do the same.

There’s no half-assing learning and listening, especially not when people’s lives and safety are in constant danger.

On Recruiting, Interviewing, and Dangerous Roads

To hiring managers and hiring committees: your beliefs around such topics as whether a candidate should receive the interview questions in advance or have a heads up on the structure of their interviews with you is in direct correlation with your current employees' job satisfaction, the working environment you've created, and your turnover.

When you begin your relationship with someone with a lack of empathy, unnecessary power plays, and "gotcha" tactics to "keep people on their toes," you set the stage for the experience that person is about to have with your company. These aren't one-off tactics or passing beliefs but the fabric of who you are as a leader, supervisor, and curator of workplace culture.

The recruiting and interview process is a two-way street, but if your side of the road is full of potholes and spike strips, people will stay the course and drive right by you.

And those who already took a pit stop with you will be prepping themselves to return to the road for a new place to lay their head.

This Week's Opening Thought: April 3, 2023

This week’s opening thought: I need white people, especially white people who have a great deal of power, privilege, and positionality in all spaces, to be honest about their lack of interest in dismantling white supremacy and their upholding of white supremacist ideologies and anti-Blackness.

Own your sh--.

If you want to read a bunch of anti-racism books for clout and bragging rights in an attempt not to apply what you’ve read and evolve your thinking but to seek kudos from melanated folx? Own that you only want gold stars, not meaningful change.

Do you think there’s no dismantling work you need to do because you’re not racist? Do you think that because you’ve got one Black friend or you “get along” with Black and melanated co-workers and neighbors, you’re “doing your part?” Own that you’re not interested in the lifelong work of maintaining being an anti-racist person.

Are you unwilling to hear from Black and melanated folx that you’ve harmed them with your words or actions without thinking it’s their fault, their “need to be the victim,” or that you’re justified in your hateful acts because melanated folx aren’t always friendly to you? Do you immediately think the person calling you in or out is trying to diminish your character because you’re a “good person,” and they should see that? Own that you’re unwilling to process the discomfort of owning the harm you’ve caused. Own that you’re not interested in anything but melanated folx validating your “goodness.”

If you want to prescribe to white supremacy-driven anti-Black double standards, denigrating Black women for their actions while applauding white women for the same actions in the same arena and on the same national stage? Own that you support whiteness and only support melanated folx and Black bodies when they conform to and make themselves palatable for whiteness.

Own who you are and what you represent. If you’re going to be a part of the 400+ year problem and hinder progress, have some integrity and own that it’s who you are.

What’s wrong? Why are you getting so agitated while reading this? I thought y’all liked ownership.

At least many of your forefathers did.

On Mass Shootings and Trans Safety

TW: Gun violence, mass shooting, anti-trans violence.

It’s the 27th of March, and the United States has had 130 mass shootings. All those shootings barely stayed in the news cycle for 72 hours. All but today’s mass shooting in Nashville, Tennessee. Why?

Because for the only time in the history of the United States actively cataloging mass shooting numbers, the shooter was a member of a marginalized community facing a constant and persistent danger to their existence.

The shooter was trans.

The shooter was trans in a country deadset on harming trans communities, dehumanizing trans folx, and making a concerted effort to strip trans folx of human rights on every level conceivable.

The shooter was trans in a country looking for any opportunity to vilify trans folx to pursue an agenda of erasure through cisgender-driven transphobic hatred.

Because of this, you can guarantee that half of this country’s news cycle will be dedicated to that agenda.

Sadly, as is the custom in the United States, those who lost their lives in this tragedy will be an afterthought in the aftermath of their lives being taken by bullets from assault rifles. But their lives will be further diminished by a country full of hateful policymakers running with a new rung on the ladder of the narrative that trans folx are a danger to the populace and a threat to our children. These narratives will do nothing but increase the risk of harm or death to children, trans children, and trans adults at the hands of hateful sheep looking to justify their hate.

And all because, for one time in the history of the United States, a mass shooter wasn’t a cishet male.

Now trans communities will suffer, the families of those who lost their lives will suffer, and both parties will be pitted against one another in the news cycle with the intent of further endangering trans lives. And the United States will be no closer to addressing gun violence, protecting our children from real threats to their safety, or ensuring our country isn’t steeped in anti-trans hate.

And all of this enhanced trauma at the start of Trans Week of Visibility.

To those of you reading this who aren’t trans: get informed and involved. Visit the Trans Week of Visibility website to get informed and learn how to help. Find initiatives in your city, region, and state. Check the people in your life who are OK with the ongoing threats to trans folx. And do what you can to protect the trans people in your life.

To all my trans friends, family, and colleagues: I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this constant freight train of harm. You’re not alone. Please reach out to me if you need anything. We’ll figure out how to do our best to protect you and yours.

Sending you love and energy.